Embodying the Goddess of the Flame: A Journey into the Wilderness

Embodying the Goddess of the Flame

Change happens. For me, it is a continual flow of energy moving through my energetic body like a serpent in water. It challenges my very essence to grow. It pushes the edges of my creativity to merge into a deeper understanding of Self. Oftentimes, my ego gets hurt. It takes discernment and an embodied approach to co-create a new “reality” based on these imminent changes occurring within and without of my very core being. Sometimes, an initiation is necessary to step forward on our path. Sometimes, there is a threshold that must be crossed, a rite of passage that must be taken, and a complete “let go” that must happen to open the heart for the Truth of compassionate love to enter.

Recently, I had the opportunity to explore the dark edges of my reality by drawing in the light of the sun. It was an experience that pulled me deeper into the Earth Mother’s womb, cradling my inner child, waking the serpent of time along the spinal column of life within me; and thus, birthing who I AM through an embodied experience of vitality, creativity, love, and sensual pleasures. On this journey, a sacred container was held for myself and all the other fellow journeyers who had chosen to walk the same path, in their own rites of passage. We were invited to set an intention toward a Vision Fast which we would be participating in within the Colorado wilderness – at a place called, Stillpoint. The name, Stillpoint, was an appropriate metaphor for the energy that was calling me to enter the silence of my own creation, and the creation of the larger systems around me. This “calling” started before my arrival to the sacred site, even before I left home.

Before leaving, I was asked what a Vision Fast was. And why would I ever want to go somewhere with the potential to be alone, without food (and in some fasts/quests, without water), for three days and three nights? My answer seemed simple. I wanted to know my Self beyond my own limited perceptions of time and space. Perhaps what seemed “simple” to me was a complicated answer to those around me. What did “know my Self” really mean? What was I searching for? Was I searching for anything at all? The School of Lost Borders guides and authors, John V. Davis and Nancy Jane, state that “The three stages of the vision fast correspond to the stages of all rites of passage and transitions: leaving home and the familiar, confronting a trial in order to win a gift, and return home, changed and empowered. These stages also reflect the archetypal patterns of spiritual work: disidentification from the ego-self, an emptiness and exploration, and realization of a more mature and expanded sense of self, or simply, retreat, emptiness, and return” (n.d., p 2). This explanation hit “home” for me. It perpetuated the internal change that was already treading the abyss of my own understanding. It was the key to the reason I was taking this journey, with or without the immediate surrender I would encounter along the way.

The day of our arrival was more chaotic than grounding, at first. It reflected the uncertainty of my being there and what I thought “needed” to be done back at home. We got lost within the first half hour, looking for our camp site. Although I did not experience frustration as much as I did confirmation that this trip was, indeed, going to be an unexplainable “surprise” no matter what my expectations were, there was a feeling of ease that I was returning to the wild again – the wild of Nature and the wild of Self (my human-nature Self). Our three guides and facilitators: Nancy Jane, Nate, and Kinde were holding space, creating sanctuary, and opening a doorway into the unknown for us during the first three days of initiation. What was my intention with this experience? Unclear at first, I was, eventually, guided to the intuitive knowledge that self-care and nurturing was what I needed most of all. This was the most revealing discovery during this phase of the eight day journey.
Everyone had a different element to bring to the circle of intentions. Mine lived in the south shield --the direction of the embodied priestess, the sensual and archeyptal (eros) Goddess who loves her body and all the simplicities of the Earth Mother in which she revels in. After living most of my life for others, giving to others, caring for others, it was a pivotal moment to realize that my deepest desire and most complete and necessary way of “giving to others” was through my intention, I am going out on the hill to serve by allowing myself to receive abundantly and joyously. Saying those words were not only empowering but deeply healing and the first steps of the transformational process of the Vision Fast that had found its purpose within me.

Author Jamie Sams explains in her book, Dancing the Dream: The Seven Sacred Paths to Human Transformation, “During our lives we often lose wonder and the excitement that gave us our original intent and purpose. Every time we can be reminded of why we want to continue to serve, we are given a rebirth of purpose that fuels our strength to carry on” (1998, p. 55). My purpose for this Vision Fast was restoring balance to my own inner (and outer) needs by “reminding” myself that to give freely, openly, and with love, I must be willing to receive abundantly and joyously in return. Limiting my own needs in this regard can be a spiritual “trap” in which I convince myself that I am here as a care-giver – trapping myself into the role of martyr.
On the first day of our journey to our sacred “visioning” spot, I stepped through the ceremonial threshold to a place of deep recognition that I was about to face a part of myself that had been disconnected from the source for some time. This intuitive “knowing” brought tears streaming down my cheeks as I acknowledged the circle of support around me. On the way to the hill that I would be occupying for three days, a black bear streaked across the path behind me running straight for the land that was calling me “home.”

After I reached the sacred ground that I found situated in the south-east corner of the property, it took only a few seconds until the same black bear had arrived on the same spot my tent would be placed. “Hey bear!” Those were the words I used over and over until the bear turned and ran back into the woods above us. Relieved? Our guide, Nate, did a check in with me to see if the bear was still there and then left me alone, after he knew I was safe, with his final words, “good job.” Good job? For the rest of the day, after setting up camp, I participated in south shield activities of basic fight or flight tactics, nudity, identification with my natural surroundings all the while holding two sharp knives – one in each hand. I was Warrior Goddess and frightened inner child vacillating worlds of tender appreciation with the aspects of what this direction was gifting me with and what was lying beneath the surface layers of its meaning.

Black bear medicine, according to Ted Andrews’ book, Animal Speak, reminds us to be very playful – just as they are during their youth and through adulthood. As bear medicine, in general, invites us to go within our deepest selves and listen to our inner knowing, black bear brings playfulness to our lives during the process (2000, p. 252) . Gaining this insight after witnessing black bear in my camp site was beneficial for my personal needs of incorporating “play” that I was ready to allow into my life again. For that, I was grateful.

The nights on the hill were easy for me. I watched the sun move through the sky to determine the time. Every evening, I would crawl into my tent, the “womb,” before sunset, ready to hibernate until the singing of dawn would wake me in the morning. At night, I had no fear – perhaps symbolic that going into the “dark” did not scare me either. By the crack of dawn, I was ready for the day to begin.

Day two of my quest was spent in pure ecstasy of the land and the vast skies above me. I spent the majority of the day, naked, touching Earth, trees, new growth, observing bees and flies and butterflies hovering around me as I tanned beneath the light of the sun. That day I was a Goddess – the Goddess of the flame…embodying the need for sensual pleasure, erotic metaphors of fertility and new birth throughout Nature and within my own core as I, simultaneously, merged with thoughts of family, children, and love.

The third day I awoke, again, at the first signs of life – the bird’s singing, the squirrels chattering, and the cool breeze rustling the leaves outside the tent walls. I unzipped myself from the womb I felt so safe within at night and emerged from the cocoon that had been in gestation for the two days before. This day was a day of creativity and purpose. I chanted and sang while making up new songs of my own. I built a protection circle around my tent in which I felt called to enrapture myself in. As I focused on the vibratory essence of my voice, I felt my energetic resonance lift to a higher frequency. Still naked, dancing in the wind, following the breeze around my circle, I touched Earth in a new way, a new “light.” It was as if the Goddess within me had merged with my inner child and become a Priestess of ceremony. I moved, lightly, through the woods, adding elements of Nature to the give-away “gift” I was making for my return to camp the following morning. I felt complete on this day. I asked deep questions without analyzing the outcome. I received “good information” that downloaded through written words in my journal. I “got” the message. By the time it was getting close to dusk, I crawled back into the womb again and closed my eyes.

On the fourth and final morning, I awoke, again, at dawn’s early rise. As I lifted my head, a gush of life-giving energy flowed from between my legs – giving birth to my Self, my re-birth into who I AM. I began my menstrual cycle, a week early, and knew it was time to head back to camp. I packed up a few items, journeyed “home” as a grateful Warrioress, Goddess, Priestess, and Child embodying the Truth of my experience.

I shared my story with the rest of the group who each had their own stories to share. And what I gained from this journey “home” was that the power within my Self comes only from honoring, nurturing, and taking care of MY needs – abundantly and joyously as I move forward in service to and for the rest of the world. It is a lesson of reciprocity and the necessity of enjoying life’s pleasures amidst the “work” that needs to be done. All is good. All is beautiful. All is a reflection of that beauty within our own hearts. I will NOT forget to love my Self so that my love will continue to be a bridge to loving others, in return.





References
Andrews, Ted. (2000). Animal speak: The spiritual and magical powers of creatures great and small (p. 252). St. Paul, MN: Llewellyn Publications.
Davis, J., & Jane, N. (n.d.). Vision fast information (p. 2). Unpublished manuscript. Retrieved from http://www.johnvdavis.com/wild/vfinfo.htm
Sams, J. (1998). Dancing the dream: The seven sacred paths of human transformation (p. 55). New York: Harper SanFrancisco.

Ecological Identity: The Naked Truth

- photo by Carolyn Quan

Ecological Identity: The Naked Truth

Ecopsychology is the coalescence of the fields of psychology and ecology in which the the connection between our Self and the rest of nature is considered to be a symbiotic expression of Truth essential to our mental, and thus, ecological health (Ammel & Manning, 2009, p.14). When I speak of this “Truth,” I am referring to the non-duality intrinsic to the relationship that shapes the reciprocal sharing we have with our natural environment and all of life. In Truth, there is no separation and any aspect of Nature that is seen as separate from our own human-nature is an illusion of the mind.

For this reason, ecopsychology functions to address and, subsequently, heal the disconnection or dis-ease that we, as humans, have created in our lives through the disembodied fragments of our “belongingness” to the planet. As a field of study, ecopsychology provides insight into how we can learn from Nature and reconnect with our innate abilities to live in harmony and balance in all aspects of our existence and how to hone our innate responses (vs. reactions) to the Earth “dilemmas” that are transpiring throughout the world.

One of the most influential “dysfunctions” in our way of relating is due, entirely, on the mind. If we hold onto rigid belief systems, there is no room for expansion. Jamie Sams (1998), author of, Dancing the Dream: the seven sacred paths to human transformation, says, “We effectively limit our life experiences when we refuse to see how our belief systems have created tunnel vision. The expansion of human spirit comes from willingness to become an explorer of life.”
To me, this exploration encompasses the evolution of productivity in this world where paying respect to all that has come before, all that has transpired, and all that is manifesting and being offered for our future is embedded into the reality we have and are creating. By accepting this reality and not denying the fact that we were/are, in part, “creators” of what has transpired, we are free to move the energy into a direction or “flow” that contributes to the overall “good” of the planet and ourselves. How does this happen?

The first system or approach that comes to mind is one of necessity. What is it that drives us to connect with our environment? What is the power of the “undefined” that encourages us to merge with its divine essence? Can we define life through mirror images in Nature? How do we implement a passage of embodying Truth through all of the dis-ease that wraps around us like a wet blanket soaked with the sadness of something lost from the pure acceptance of Self?

Ecopsychology explores these questions and qualms through observation, evaluation and the essential “merging” of the transpersonal into our daily lives. There is an inherent connection that has advanced the notion of a “social synthesis” in our current life-time. Relationships and mergers have become transparent in the face of the evolutionary unfolding process. What is beyond and what is within is one and the same. Both ecopsychology and transpersonal psychology build a bridge that crosses all boundaries of understanding within our limited and subjective patterns of involvement. What, exactly, does this mean for society? This means being accountable for our actions. And our “actions,” distinctly, include our thought patterns and the need to move through the habitual patterns that have been passed down through generations before us.

So, what are the benefits associated with this movement past these limiting thought patterns and systems of belief? French paleontologist-priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin argues that, “atop all the other physical spheres of our planet (the lithosphere, biosphere, stratosphere) there is the ‘noopshere’”(Roszak, 1992, p.197). It is noted that at the summit of development, all individual human minds will coalesce into “one, single hyper-complex and conscious arch-molecule coextensive with the planet itself” (1992). This theory can seem daunting to the very existence of mankind, but is it that far-fetched from the Truth that we desire and are, innately, drawn to? I think not.

The structures that have been built before us and that work to maintain our social hierarchy are in need of some serious (re)evaluation. Part of this evaluation stems from our connection to our divine biological inheritance. Amadou Hampate Ba, humanist and sage, points to the (our) feminine and masculine powers in the cosmos and Earth “belonging” as:
“Because the mother and the earth both manifest the mystery of germination, fruitfulness, and life, they are of utmost importance in the animist tradition. Although the father is considered to be the cosmic agent of contact on the level of the sacred he steps aside for the mother. He begets the child and he makes him legitimate, but it is the mother who perfects the child’s being. One could not be without a mother, though one’s father might well be unknown. …Earth is thought of as a living being” (McLuhan, 1994, pp 288).

Although I tend to lean toward the requirement of “belongingness” within the Earth to include the balancing force of the masculine to reach wholeness, it is this statement, above, that brings my own eco-identity into sync with the world in which I relate so deeply to and with. Through natural attraction, I was drawn by the biological urge to merge with another, in union, to create the synchronistic revelation of my own life-giving abilities. My daughter, Kira Rain, was born on April 29th, 2005. This “birth” signified many things in my life. First and foremost, it was a constant reminder of my natural inheritance (birthright) to bring life into this world for transformation. This transformation was much more than I had, originally, anticipated. My daughter brought a new sense of responsibility to myself, to her life and to the planet, as a whole. I felt a deep, inner, desire to protect the evolution of her involvement with the world to the point that I went back to school and also began a health regime that would affect my outlook on life and planetary systems from here on out. Part of this system of evolution and planetary involvement circulated, primarily, within my home environment.

I created an organic garden – tilling soil from days gone by and adding rich, nutrient ingredients of new topsoil, manure, and live cultures to activate the continuation of life-giving abilities and reciprocal abundance that was revealed to me before. Seeds were planted – each one with a prayer for the health and well-being of its desired growth and fruition. Lettuce, kale, broccoli, beets, carrots, onions, herbs, spinach, zucchini, squash, rhubarb, strawberries, and more were planted into the womb of the Earth and nurtured, daily, before their emergence into our lives. Kira would run between the rows, cultivating awareness with each stem that rose from the supple ground beneath it. We took turns picking strawberries and feeding the families that walked by in awe. Life was like this, for us.

But at the same time that beauty was prevalent in our actions, so was the immediate destruction and noticeable capacity of ignorance that I was, congruently, participating in. Engaging in familial disagreements and stagnant belief systems kept me locked in patterns of disillusionment with my Self, my family and the greater good of the Earth. I was constructing an idealized perception of reality based on my own limited understanding of what “bonding” meant. My search for familial “rooting” was a metaphor for my degree of separation that I had with my own intimate bond with Nature, Self, and the world, at large (to include Spirit). Truthfully, I desired an intimate communion with my inner strength, wisdom, and inherent connection to all of life – yet I was projecting my insecurities onto the shadow of my own creation. Health issues surfaced in my body as I struggled to maintain an illusion that, ultimately, did not serve my highest good. Not only was my health a reflection of the embodied dysfunction in my personal life, but there was an underlying dis-ease that was resulting from a self-prescribed notion of fear. This “fear” extended to my own relationship with Nature, itself.

In the book, Blessed Unrest, Paul Hawken (2007) identifies our relationship between the immune system and the brain as inseparable and that each affects the other, right down to what we are thinking. Thus, our thoughts create our reality and permeate all levels of personal, social, environmental, global and universal synastry. I see this permeable connection as an energetic membrane that absorbs and retracts that which is needed for survival. My body was no exception. The deep, transient effects of my negative thought patterns were challenged to face the unknown through the direct application of experience in Nature. This subtle awakening within me spurred me to abandon any self-inflicted memories of suffering and to adopt a new sense of “trust” in life. It was at this moment that I made a decision to pack up and move to Colorado and be supported by the majestic structures that form the rocky mountains.

Through the acceptance and attendance of Naropa’s transpersonal and ecopsychology graduate program, I came to understand the myriad dimensions that my soul development shares with the natural alignment of all other species, systems and social relations. The most important aspect I saw through this “engagement” was the sacred vows I took on a cellular and soul-ular level to detach from the face I thought was my own and allow the mirror image of Self to emerge in all things - through the practice of mindfulness and self-awareness. To me, the inclusive fields of transpersonal psychology and ecopsychology opened a doorway to the mystery of life. In this mystery, all questions cease with the understanding that the separate-self is only an objectified persona of our authentic nature. Thus, what is natural to our innermost needs is a reflection of what is natural to the needs of the world in which we live. If we are disconnected from our roots, from the planetary movement, and from the life-giving abilities that stem from our direct “oneness” with all living things, then our body suffers – and this “suffering” reaches out to others as well as our living planet. Where is the accountability in these actions?

Eco-philosopher and eco-therapist, Joanna Macy prescribes three things to help relieve this anxiety and suffering: take some action, however small, to defend our natural environment and animal/plant siblings; begin to build a better, more sustainable society, starting at home; and be open to shifting consciousness by discovering new ways to see things cognitively (Buzzell & Chalquist, 2009, p. 53). This “relief” program seems simple yet I have discovered that it has profound healing capabilities. By shifting consciousness, we can reorganize our thought patterns from an onerous position to the inclusivity that generates sustainable action. If we see ourselves as part of the biological, environmental, and cosmic equation, then we, in turn, can see ourselves as part of the solution to the problems in which we have created.

Ecopsychology contains a multitude of possibilities that constitute seeds of change in the destructive patterns we have grown to accept and use without regard for ourselves, future generations, and the planet we reside within. Some of these “seeds” have been planted in the lives of many people hoping to shift their consciousness to encompass gifts of compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, and trust that they, too, have a heart big enough and WILL strong enough to push through the shadows of their creation and merge on the other side. This “other” side is what I refer to as living in conscious creation. When we are conscious creators, we take individual responsibility in our lives and make the changes that are necessary for the forward movement of societal and environmental accomplishment. This “accomplishment” is used in the sense of the unlimited power available through communion and interrelationships among the many. The “many” is also not to be viewed in a limited sense – it is the mass of evolution, the environmental expansion of awareness extending out further than a 4th dimensional perspective (our current sense of separation). The hologram of thought forms are migrating into an established paradigm of guided imagery – imagery that is not perceived in the mind but extracted from the heart chakra through a collective vibration that is birthing the new shift in environmental and social exchange. And with these thought forms that elude the senses, comes an understanding and integration that heightens the vibrational undertones of existence. How will we live in an omnipresent society that mirrors the divine in each of us? How will we create our reality without the need to plague our ego with suffering and instead bring breath to the dying torch inside? This torch need not go out but only light another form of receiving in the hearts that yearn to open to their illuminated Being.

This “conscious creation” will become the manifest of our desires and the shallow patterns that formed our personality behind the mask of our fears will be free of self-deception and cross borders of what recognition means between and with another. Much of what is made conscious through the intersection of transpersonal and ecopsychology is brought forth through various processes such as ecotherapy and experiential education. Ecotherapy includes (but is not limited to) nature based activities/therapeutic processes such as: ritual and rites of passages, guided wilderness excursions, horticulture therapy, art therapy (nature related), adventure therapy, etc. It takes therapy to a whole new level of relating – blending the spiritual, emotional, psychological, and physical implications of our authentic selves out into the world by direct experience in Nature.

I am drawn to this therapeutic discovery by the sheer motivation to see my Self in all that exists – form and formless. Spending time in Nature, knowing that I AM Nature, in all things, through all forms - and what is not formed through human perception. When I take the initiative to relate to my surroundings and know that my heart-felt longing for joy, peace, and beauty is the same longing that others have (to include the Earth) then the boundaries are no longer uncertain. The veil of illusion drops away and I see myself as the endless extension of all that is. This is the beauty of life and the meaning to the process of evolution – returning “home” to our hearts, to our birthright of creation and soul fulfillment.

The most important thing to remember, for me, is to have gratitude and acceptance of all that has come before, learning from the choices I have made and “we,” as a human family, have made to create the environment we are living in today. There is no good or bad – just Truth. And to recognize this Truth as an ever-expanding system of creation is a huge step in the direction of changing our personal and universal belief patterns.

The Earth is changing. Do we see ourselves in the changes taking place, within? Do we recognize the choices we have made that said, “YES!” to what we have created for our own soul growth and evolutionary involvement? Are we ready to take responsibility for our actions that directly reflect our own habitual thinking?
I take a vow, right here, right now to say “YES!” to my divine inheritance that I share with all living things - to co-create with awareness and bring light to the darkness within and around me. I accept my individual responsibility to care for and love my Self, unconditionally, and thus, care for and love all that is through this embodied practice. To me, there is no separation as all is divinely connected, as one. This is the Naked Truth.














References
Amel, Elise; Manning, Christie; Scott, Britain. 2009. Mindfulness and sustainable behavior:
Pondering attention and awareness as means for increasing green behavior.
Ecopsychology,1(1). 14-25
Buzzell, L., & Chalquist, C. (2009). Ecotherapy: Healing with nature in mind. San Francisco: Sierra Club Books.
Hawken, P. (2007). Blessed Unrest: How the largest movement came into being and why no one
saw it coming (pp. 164-165). New York: Penguin Group.
McLuhan, T. C. (1994). The way of the earth: Encounters with nature in ancient and contemporary thought (p. 288). New York: Simon & Schuster.
Roszak, T. (1992). The voice of the earth: An exploration of ecopsychology (pp. 196-197). Grand
Rapids, MI: Phanes Press.
Sams, J. (1998). Dancing the dream: The seven sacred paths of human transformation (pp. 80-
81). New York: HarperSanFrancisco.

The Cyclic Turning of Life: From the Inside, Out

The Cyclic Turning of Life -- from the Inside Out
Our lives are an interconnected force bending and moving, attracting and retracting, growing and dying together, in a continual system of change. From the molecular structures unfolding within our being, creating our metabolic identity, to the developmental stages of our psychological growth, we are evolving through a cyclic continuum of life systems that coalesce with all other life emerging forms. In short, we are energetically inseparable from all that is and have an imminent responsibility to evolve in consciousness through self-reflection, self-care and the care of all of life.

Chickasaw novelist, Linda Hogan, writes in the book, Mean Spirit, “We are part of everything in our world, part of the roundness and cycles of life. The world does not belong to us. We belong to the world. All life is sacred. Restore yourself and your voice. Remake your spirit, so that it is in harmony with the rest of nature and the universe” (McLuhan, 1994).

This is an essential re-membering of who I AM, of my divine heritage, and with this knowing comes a commitment of Truth and integrity that is inherent in the path of self-discovery -- going deep, ripping the seams of old patterns, pulling the threads of denial, reworking the fabric of identity to that which is beyond the restrictions of social, cultural and personal norms. This is my story.

Running on Energy
There is a reciprocal flow of energy that is exchanged in the process of evolution and growth. This energy has a design, a divine order, intricately woven into the atmosphere of creation. From conception, our bodies are forming an energetic grid work of DNA. This “system” of creation is part of our own inner knowing. It is connected to the womb, our mother’s womb, and the womb of our Earth Mother. Our fathers have planted the seeds. Our mothers have agreed to carry us through our cycles from conception to birth and through the growth of many moons thereafter. If we pay attention to these cycles, we can see the interconnectedness of who we are with all things and with the world, as a whole.

When I was a child, I was creating a story. My story was made up of the energy that I was surrounded by. My parents taught me and “guided” me into the social norms of what was right or wrong, what was real or not (through their eyes and what had been passed down to them from their parents). And then there was this other force. This force was something beyond comprehension yet deeply rooted in my psyche, within my core being. It was as if I had eyes that could see the world beneath that which was cognitively understood as “real.” These eyes dwelled inward and I could feel this luminous thread connecting each of us. It was as if my heart could not contain itself. The pain seemed unbearable at times. It wasn’t a pain that was inflicted upon me. My childhood was good. This pain was felt, beneath the surface layers of existence, under the radar of that which I was creating on the outside. What I didn’t know, at the time, was that these “worlds” were not separate at all. I could not, yet, see the divine grid that blended these worlds, as one. There was a veil, a memory that was placed before me in which I had to re-member in order to move beyond the veil of my identity.

Barbara Marx Hubbard said in her recent ACE (Agents of Conscious Evolution) online training program (2011), “Cosmogenesis is cosmic evolution studied from the outside, but the soul of evolution is subjective and is studied from the inside, out.” For me, going within was always followed with an emergence of loss and then, gain. Learning how to adjust to the cyclic changes and recognize the patterns, unfolding, was part of my own soul evolution. Through this learning or “awakening” process was the assurance that all energy being utilized was for the betterment of all, that my forward movement was a reflection of the forward movement of the planet and the cosmological ordering of the changing “times.” Thus, nothing was lost – even in my darkest moments, nothing was lost.

No Waste
During my adolescent years, I yearned to know myself. I did this by channeling my energy in creative ways. As a writer and poet, I expressed the angst and frustration of feeling “less than” who I was. I still attracted the light but always through partners who mirrored the veil that hung, like a cloak, over my eyes. I was also a runner. There was a loss and a gain to this predicament. I was the fastest runner on both my cross country and track teams. I was quiet. I had a plan to leave it all behind. You see, running was a metaphor to me. I was running from this pain that I knew as a child. The world was suffering, I could feel it. But in this world, this poetic and athletic world, I could, literally, FLY into another dimension where pain was an illusion, albeit temporary. And I did this for six years until one morning…I woke up and arrived at my cross country meet. I looked into my coaches eyes and asked, “Don’t you ever get tired of running?” In that moment, I was asking on a physical level, but energetically, my soul was tired of running from the pain. It was that moment that allowed me to take a step into the acceptance of another cycle that had ended in my life. There is no wasted energy here. I was not going to exert myself in a way that was not beneficial to the whole. By quitting, I was allowing the world to win. I was allowing freedom into my breath again. And although I could look in the mirror, confused of my choices (that were beyond mind), deep down, I was smiling from the inside, out.

Diversity is Necessary
Life is filled with diversity - from the many forms that have evolved into existence, today, to the systems that keep these forms alive. Ecopsychologist, Theodore Roszak (1992, p. 179), states, “the flower seemed designed for the bee, the bee for the flower. Order in this sense is far from simple and may not be mathematical at all. Rather, it is the very intricacy of the arrangements that elicits wonder.” These arrangements are part of the reciprocity of discovery that is inherent within us. It is a natural attraction for the bee to be lured by the flower and the flower to open its buds and share the divine nectar of life with this bee. Life is like this – simply divine in order yet somehow complicated with the mental capacity we yield upon it.

As I recall my own arrangements in life, I see the necessity of the exchange(s) that happened with each turn. A dear friend of mine, Ahmath, was very different from me when I met him. He was African America and incredibly in tune with his own cultural and ancestral heritage. He was also dying. I was 22 at the time and had just begun a new journey after a heart-felt “awakening” or “re-birth” into the cosmic consciousness I was so trying to re-connect with through my childhood. It only made sense that I would be accompanied with a growing love with my new friend that was, subsequently, holding onto a short life-string in the physical realm. This was when I learned of my psychic connections (that were being re-awakened of what I had lost in my childhood) and how the energetic grid between the worlds that I knew created an even wider meaning of what “diversity” meant to me.

Through these experiences, upon deaths such as my friend, Ahmath and other friends and family members, I was opened to the arrangements that exist beyond the physical mind and being to that of a soul-ular connection. In these lucid experiences, the memory of this veil became penetrable and thus, the fragmented illusions of self were freed from my own mental entrapments. It is not that everything had changed with these experiences. No; it was just the Truth unveiling the mystery within my very core -- the Truth that nothing is separate, everything is connected, and we are only as diverse in perception as we allow ourselves to be.

Connection Leads to Change
By recognizing our interrelatedness, we are recognizing the value of our true essence in life. There is purpose in this recognition that is only honored by seeing all of life as a direct reflection of who we are. There is no doubt that pain exists. It is part of the “going deep” process that opens us to our divine heritage – the Truth that we are beneath the pain in which we feel. If we become numb to this pain, then we are choosing to forget to re-member our divine essence through humanity.

Change is inevitable; this much we know. Yet it is up to us to be CAUSAL in our expression(s) of change. Barbara Hubbard (2011) continued this idea when she said:
We are in our own birth narrative and are “story tellers” – we have the ability to be causal and see our own crises to improve and evolve our own creative potential and thus, the world. There are emergent properties here where the planet is going through evolutionary consciousness (we are at the advents of conscious evolution). Our own impulse to create, incarnating the impulse of evolution from our 13 billion year story says that when we tune into this impulse and want to do more, be more, express more, we feel LIFTED - not burdened - by this impulse and are then set free from limitations.

As a conscious being, I take an oath with my reflections before me, all of life, and find peace in the agreements I make for a sustainable and peaceful future, now. I have a daughter who is my witness, and I make amends with my past to allow for her life to evolve in a way that supersedes the restrictions I placed upon myself before. I am not these restrictions but a divine spark mirroring and shining upon the world as the world shines upon me.

There is no separation here; we are all connected; and by choosing to be causal in my re-membering, I am also choosing Love as the envisioned change that is happening within and without me. I do this not only for my daughter and her generation, but for seven generations to come…
For life is worth loving ourselves and the greater whole.



References
Hubbard, Barbara M. "Accelerating the next evolution." Agents of conscious evolution. 3 May 2011. Web. 6 May 2011.
T.C., McLuhan. The way of the earth. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994. Print.
Roszak, Theodore. The voice of the earth. 2nd ed. Grand Rapids: Phanes Press, Inc., 1992. 179. Print.

Moving Beyond Separation to Symbiotic Expression: A Systems Approach to the Great Turning

Moving Beyond Separation to Symbiotic Expression:
A Systems Approach to the Great Turning

According to Paul Hawken (2007), environmentalist and author, the state of this world is evolving into a place of “blessed unrest” between the one and the many. The one is no more separate from what people claim as being “different” from their selves. We are one and the same, no difference.
Yet, at one point in time, there was misrepresentation of the human conception of life. There was the thought that we were, inherently, separate from ALL THERE IS which, ultimately, resulted in the disconnection of species on the planet. There was a distinct placement of doubt that resonated through the w(hole) of existence that challenged the constructs of mind and habitual patterning, developed through the millenniums up to this moment in history.
In this paper, I reflect on the degree of separation we have created, as humans, from ourselves, each other and all of life and speak of the abundant energy necessary to rise up and release the constructs of the mind within this universal context of understanding --and return to the core integration of our symbiotic existence on Earth.
Unraveling the Memory
When I consider how our existence came to be, there is a fine line, I notice, that bleeds into my awareness with a perception unlimited to “time” and knowledge, itself. This depth of perception is the wisdom of the archaic Truth embedded through the lineage of our primordial memory. This “memory” unravels itself into a diverse continuum of life-emerging forms. Such structuring of form has been a result of a systematic dialogue between Nature and a self-organizing Universe inherent in its divine order of creation.
Physicist and systems theorist, Fritjof Capra (1982), addressed these patterns of emergence as a “web of life” in which there are two complementary tendencies that contribute to the phenomenon of evolutionary adaptation : (1) Self Maintenance (the process of self-renewal, healing, homeostasis, and adaptation) and (2) Self Transformation/Self Transcendence (expressed from the process of learning, development and evolution).
These self-organizing drives coalesce with the structural adherence and genetic mechanisms of DNA formation through reproductive and hereditary traits, but also through the “underlying dynamics of evolution, whose central characteristic is not adaptation but creativity” (Capra, 1982).
Through the lens of transpersonal creativity (or creation), it is important to note that these molecular structures, that attract and retract from the physical appearance(s) before us, are only limited by the subsequent “knowledge” derived from the belief structures (or illusions) we create(d) in our mind. Thus, when I see myself as a limited reflection of that which surrounds, I limit the entirety of existence itself. I exclude myself from the constant flow of energetic exchange that creates space for evolutionary fulfillment. Because of our dualistic human nature, it is difficult for many people to conceptualize that we ARE an intricate part of this self-organizing Universe. Thus, our disconnection with the environment (and Self) has become the real crisis in the world today; A crisis, “some wise people have suggested, that stems from a genuine lack of creativity and imagination” (ATD, p. 55). So, how do we fulfill the necessary changes needed to sustain the life of the earth in which we cohabitate?
First, we must recognize that we are not separate from each other or this planet-- that we are, in fact, a social and global “community,” and it is our responsibility to come together and co-create a reality based on a collective vision (imagination) of a Life-sustaining Society by consciously changing our perspective to one that mirrors our innate ecological self .
Our Stories Create our Reality
By default, Nature IS self-organizing. Our development, as humans, has taken this concept, this reality, and centralized it into an illusory dream in which we “control” everything. But life is not like that. From the book, The Medicine Wheel, Chippewa medicine man, seer, and Indian leader, Sun Bear writes:
“Today we tend to see the earth as a stable backdrop for all of the affairs of humankind. We see the minerals, the plants and the animals as servants of man. We have forgotten that they can be our teachers as well; that they can open us to ideas and emotions that have been blocked from the human heart for too long a time. We have forgotten that we are connected to all of our relations on the earth, not just our human families. We have imprisoned ourselves in tight little worlds of man-made creations.”

This being said, our habitual patterns and misunderstandings of this “separation” with life have been passed down from generations preceding our own existence and therefore, become hard to break. From a psychological perspective, we can look at the early stages of development in which developmental psychologist, Piaget, concludes that the ego is formed during the pre-operational stage (2-6 years of age) (Sigelman and Rider, p. 46). During this stage, thinking is not yet logical and perception is limited to an egocentric view in which the child is unable to take on another’s perspective. A sense of separation is established and with this growing sense of separate-self, coupled by the dominant consumerist approach from the Industrial “Growth” Society in which we are raised, comes a disconnection with the world, as a whole. Although we might recognize that we feel good in nature and share similarities with many species (to include our own), our egocentric world-view keeps us in an autonomous state where we, as individuals, are in competition with each other, all species and the illusory “need” to industrialize what few natural resources remain on the earth today.
As I look at my own life, I recall emotional and psychological “traps” that have imprisoned my own mind, psyche, and being to a place of indecision, judgment (of self and others), and ultimately, created self-destructive tendencies of denial that perpetuated out into the living world around me-- to all my relations. For instance, since early childhood, I have looked in the mirror of doubt when my attraction to nature was diffused, even demolished (in a psychological sense), from the inherent connection I had with it. I observed the mass of society and life, in general, as having a huge element of suffering in it; From the homeless animals on the street and in captivity, to the homeless people sitting on the side of the road, holding signs, to the insects and creepy crawlers that were killed with poisonous chemicals (and sometimes with a look of pure aggression - and then gainful satisfaction - on the face of the “killer”) as they got rid of the “pest” that was interfering with the human world. The pain I witnessed and subsequently felt, although I wasn’t aware of what was happening to me on a deeper level, was becoming numb.
By the time I turned ten years old, I had retracted into my own private dream-world where pain did not exist and even if it did come up in my life (which, of course, it did), I could write about it or tell stories into a tape recorder of how this world was “different” for me now – how I could use my imagination to create a utopian, ideal life where all things were beautiful, peaceful and all “systems” worked together in a unifying degree of reciprocity. I knew, deep down, that I cared about life and I also cared about what people thought of me. I was torn (the duality) between the Truth that I was a part of this intricate web of life and the illusion in which I was being socially and culturally “raised” to believe was the truth.
Healing the Separation
Metabolically, DNA forms the grid work for the duality of separateness (through hereditary values and individual traits) yet simultaneously releases the same molecular brain structure that has the potential (in all) to return to the delicate atomic level of peace within. The metaphorical “serpent” (or kundalini), that contains/is our vital, life-giving energy, spirals in a continual dance that becomes the double helix of reciprocal understanding within us. Our DNA twists and unravels with each curve of our spine – breaking old patterns into illuminated portals of energy. What transpires from this mirror image reflecting through the darkness, into the constructs of mind, is the direct conception of power birthing from the heart center of Love.
Any divine form wishing to transcend to its original form-less nature/state can do so when the reflection of another is seen as our own. This “returning” is the release of the constructs of illusion in the mind.
Joanna Macy (2011), eco-philosopher, author and activist, looks at a systems approach to the Great Turning -- where we are being called to reconnect with the Truth that we are during this ecological and economical crisis and begin to “WAKE UP and take ACTION knowing that we have the authority of our 14 billion age of existence to create a pathway to liberation – freed from our self-created suffering.”
By following the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, through an ecological perspective, we have the ability to:
1) Befriend our pain for the world and know that our caring and compassion stem from our interconnectedness (our inter-being) with all things.
2) Know that this suffering has a cause arising from conditions that we CAN change through developing right action in behavior, attitudes and ideas. (Finding this cause is a systematic response to the feedback loops presented in our lives and the world).
3) Cease the suffering by recognizing our interconnectedness to all of life and consciously choosing to break free from our limiting habits, patterns, and belief structures that have been contributing to the Industrial “Growth” Society and begin to create a Life Sustaining Society.
4) Follow and create a pathway to liberation and freedom through the practice of self(less) discovery by approaching our meditations and actions through the holographic view of the Universe as non-separate from Self and all that exists (Macy, J; 2011).
Universal in Nature, our human-nature finds “home” in this Truth time and time again – beyond the scope of “time constraint” all together. Thus, the true purpose we heed, that perpetuates change and internal expansion of being, is the result of the degree of non-separation that we choose to accept into our life.
Healing with Love Creates Action
For me, “healing” occurs on many different levels. I think of the mind, body and spirit and the myriad philosophies and beliefs that are projected about how someone can or should heal yet, ultimately, I feel that this adventure, this life, is the healing process. From the innocence of birth and bonding to the realization that I AM someone (ego), to the “search,” yet again to find myself through all experiences, good and bad, healing happens. And even the word “healing” is an illusion because, deep down, within my most intimate, creative and expansive Self, I am already free from pain and suffering.
It has taken me a long time, as Sun Bear would say, for my heart to open to the Truth that this journey in life is one of discovery and Love. For Love IS the crucial ingredient we must embrace and use in the actions we take to fulfill our transition from chaos to a state of peace within the system(s) we live. What is Love, to me? Love is growth; Love is action; Love is breaking down (composting) every part of my "self" I believe is real. Love hurts so much it heals the heart with a compassionate yet disciplined slap to the ego.
What I have learned, in life, is that when I am ready to let down the guard that constrains my heart, restricts my breath, and pours longing from behind its shield, then Love comes - whipping my Spirit into a fine-grained substance of humility, self-acceptance, and a new desire for something so deep that all other self-created "needs" dissipate into the cleansing fire of Truth.
What resumes from such a cleansing is power. This "power" is the intensity of life where breath evolves, where my heart rejoices with the abundance of communion, and where my voice is blessed with angelic praise and raised to a vibration other worldly. It is moments, like this, my heart grows with the heavens and Love detaches from the face I thought I had. What is removed is gently replaced with an innocence unknown to time but brought to life with the power of healing.
And with this new sense of Self, emerges the “need” to bond with others wishing to do the same – people who are willing to take the initiative to rise above the constructs of the mind, their self and the collective “illusion” --and become an integral part of the Great Turning that is happening now.
Conclusion: The Great Turning to our Creative Self
What is “meant to be” is the primary evolution of Truth within our being. And what is birthing, in this moment, is a reflection of all that has transpired on a Universal scale of personal and cultural creation. There is birth, there is death, and there are the balancing forces that exist between the two. In mythology, the owl sees into the darkness of the contemplative mind and sheds light onto that which is not accessible otherwise. Thus, within this light, there is no lack of understanding because we make a conscious choice to join in this participatory revelation of cosmic consciousness, The Great Turning of Love.
This unlimited feeling pulses through our very core – integrating our divine allowance with what already “is.” Questions cease, answers naturally unveil in our consciousness and we are no longer held back by the mental stagnation of what “belonging” means through societal standards.
We are what we create and create that which we are in this reflective light. Who are you in this moment, now – what do you see when you look into the eyes of another? Do you shun your beauty? Reflect your Truth? Do you hold witness to the power before you? Do you embrace the imminent departure of fear that lurks through the Truth that you are “one” with all that you encounter? Do you embrace the power of your Being? Do you follow the eyes of doubt to the revelation beneath that which you see?
There is no doubt that, in this moment, we meet in the middle of that which we believe. Do not be afraid to unveil the secrets within. Do not be afraid to rise above the inventory of your upbringing. Find your heart through the eyes of another and know that Love exists in all beings, through all things, and that there is no separation in our Loving at all.




References
Awakening the Dreamer. Symposium Presenter's Manual. Vol. 2. San Francisco: Pachamama Alliance, n.d. 55. 2 vols. Print.
Bear, Sun, and Wabun Bear. The Medicine Wheel. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1980. 4. Print.
Capra, F. (1982). The turning point. New York: Simon & Shuster.
Hawken, Paul. Hawken, Paul. Blessed Unrest. New York: The Penguin Group, 2007. Print.
Macy, J. (2009). The Great Turning. Retrieved March 18, 2011, from http://www.joannamacy.net/livingsystems.html.
Macy, Joanna. "The Great Turning." Naropa University. Boulder. 6 Apr. 2007. Lecture.
Sigelman, C., & Rider, E. (2006). Life-span human development (6th ed., pp. 46-47). Belmont,
CA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.

Portal to the Unseen

The state of this world is evolving into a place of blissful manifestation between the one and the many. The one is no more separate from what people claim as being “different” from themselves. We are one and the same, no difference.
At one point in time there was misrepresentation of the human conception of life. There was the thought that we were, inherently, separate from ALL THERE IS which, ultimately, resulted in the disconnection of species on the planet. There was a distinct placement of doubt that resonated through the whole (hole) of existence that challenged the constructs of mind and habitual patterning that has developed through the millenniums up to this point. There is a place and a time for everything in which manifestation occurs most naturally to the individual, thus resulting in the “whole” of pragmatism. At some level there will be a rise in the abundant energy necessary to release the constructs of the mind in this universal context of understanding. The limitations will be stretched to the potential of evolutionary fulfillment in which questioning will be unnecessary for the agreement of commentary output and evolution of the constructive framework of mankind. Many will not understand or be able to relate to the agreement that is happening on a Universal unfolding pattern – beyond limited views and palpable realizations of the people so integrated in their belief structures that they have no concept of the Truth that they are one with their own realizations and belief patterns of what they have placed their true essence of reality within. There is only one place in which the whole resides in the eternal : the heart. This Heart Space is beyond their mind – their personal affiliation with all of their belief patterning resulting from the paternal conditioning and resurrection of the Systems of Old. We will not give power to the results of the limiting creations of yesterday. We will look toward the empowerment of the NOW to be the eternal framework of what Tomorrow holds. There is no withdrawal from what is a permanent agreement of our Eternal Truth. We look in the mirror and see who we are. We fall in Love to know our agreement patterns. We let go to find where we are and what we mean to this moment at hand. We disagree to agree to what we are transpiring within us. We agree to disagree with our manifestation process of old. This is a new paradigm emerging from the eternal flame of faith. There is no room for illusion. We will catch ourselves every time. We will see who we are through our mirrors. Come out from behind the shield and emerge from the darkness of who we think we are. There is a limitless view of perception and we are being called to open the portal to the eyes of the unseen.
2-25-11 Tatiana Casey

The Molecular Expansion of Self

The Molecular Expansion of Self
I’ve been meeting myself in the mirror of doubt – transcending beliefs constructed through a darkened landscape of habitual thoughts. There is a fine line, I notice, that bleeds into my awareness with a perception unlimited to “time” and knowledge, itself.
This depth of perception is the wisdom of the archaic Truth embedded through the lineage of our primordial memory. This “memory” unravels itself into a diverse continuum of DNA that bridges the formless into form, itself.
These molecular structures that attract and retract from the physical appearance(s) before us are only limited by the subsequent “knowledge” derived from the belief structures we create(d) in our mind.
The true divinity that perpetuates change and internal expansion of Being is the manifestation of the degree of non-separation that we choose to accept into our life.
When I see myself as a limited reflection of that which surrounds, I limit the entirety of existence itself. I exclude myself from the constant flow of energetic exchange that creates space for evolutionary fulfillment. And what is “full” can only be received when the mind is empty of all entrapments that are formed through the apprehension of core integration.
The serpent spirals in a continual dance that becomes the double helix of reciprocal understanding. Our DNA twists and unravels with each curve of our spine – breaking old patterns into illuminated portals of energy. What transpires from this mirror image reflecting through the darkness, into the constructs of mind, is the direct conception of power birthing from the heart center of Love.
Any divine form wishing to transcend to its original form-less nature/state can do so when the reflection of another is seen as our own. DNA forms the grid work for the duality of separateness (through hereditary values and individual traits) yet simultaneously releases the same molecular brain structure that has the potential (in all) to return to the delicate atomic level of peace within. This “returning” is the release of the constructs of illusion in the mind.
Universal in Nature, our human-nature finds “home” in this Truth time and time again – beyond the scope of “time constraint” all together.
12/29/2010 – Tatiana Casey

Goddess of the Flame

There is the underlying communion that comes in the sharing of the world between eyes and hearts and melting pots of who we are- beyond what we appear to be to ourselves. One moment I am in a sense of equilibrium living as a sacred identity of Self and a totality of all there is – universal and physical. Then the polarity of my attraction to light comes in and pursues my deepest urge to be a warrior in love. As if natural to instinct, I fight for the love that exceeds my expectations of survival. I am the “fittest” in my own search, in my own dwelling of creation and within the natural formation of ALL THAT IS, here and now. I get a sense that the world is watching with eyes that push the limits of my own imagination. I take the moment to acknowledge the ultimate perception of “knowing” the risks of this love and what it means to not have to know anything. The peace of this union is enough to state the obvious. The heart is softened from the harsh winds of reality but bring together the open marriage of compassion and reflection. Sometimes our mirrors shatter in front of us – showing us what we fail to see with the lights on. I want to retaliate with firm appreciation of the finite things in life…but my heart, my soul and Spirit know better. The merger of this union between warrior and Goddess has a place of surrender beneath the surface of betrayal. There is no victim here – only solace and impressionable realities turning this tragic “hiding” into a revealing fire of release – burning from the inside, out – combusting into something incomprehensible to thoughts of this modern play. I return to my heritage…to the ancient lineage of who I AM through the mentorship of my higher guidance. The power of this moment is in the flame of the unknown. May it light the world ablaze!