Talking

I am not free in this moment. I am not free because my reflection in you tells me so. I see the parts of myself that are holding onto what it is I can not control. And I am a witness but at the same time, I grip at my own skin and push yours away as if you are separate from me. You mirror this separation by speaking of your unwillingness to give up your autonomy. Yet what is it that you, too, fear connecting with? If bliss is a perfect day without a lover then so be it that way. But the Truth lies in the challenge of the beloved's existence -- seen through our eyes, felt through our hearts, channeled through our love for self, each other and all of life. I walk in silence to know my words that are free from the strife I create to speak them. Oftentimes, my mind dissects the beauty that exists in the here and now. This is when I know it is time to listen. In this stillness, "listening" does not mean "disconnecting." It means understanding. It means loving. It means forgiving myself for forgetting again and again, without judgment. It means that I do not need you yet I can love you the same. It means that letting go of my attachment to anything that binds my heart is a breath of fresh air pulsing through my Being. It means that I have chosen to be free again. And thus the energy of this moment changes...

Fallen Angel

I have fallen. I have fallen like an Angel from the grace of my own doing. I have completed a journey in each moment only to enter into a new one with every breath I take. And my breath. Oh my breath. I want to re-member my breath and that it is not a "taking" at all but a reciprocal sharing of love that I give and receive, that I nurture all living things with and thus, am filled with the mighty light of love in return. Lately, I have been screaming inside. Do you know what this feels like? The emblem of hope in my heart I hold like a sheath above my face. But this sheath is a translucent fragment of my belonging to self. The attachment to the face I believe to be mine has my heart encased in a membrane of fear. I am not this fear. Fear is a word with a meaningless truth. My mind created it over a collective energetic news feed. I stopped reading the news a long time ago. And I am changing. My energy is freer today but it was never contained in the first place. My mind must be in agony. I can only imagine what is going on beyond what I can see. But I feel it instead. And my eyes well with tears. And these feelings, without attachment, are a truth bleeding hope from my heart. I listen closely with closed eyes knowing that I do not need to know anything about it. I do not need to judge my indecision or inability to emotionally connect while my heart heals. I do not discriminate against myself in this suspended watchfulness. I wait and yet I take action NOW. I take action by re-membering my love that is the only truth and the only source of happiness. I contemplate and let go of that contemplation. Writing heals me. I know this to be true. I am an open book with torn pages perfectly gracing these words. And I know that somewhere deep inside words were never needed at all but they help when I forget to re-member. 09/12/12