TO MIRROR LOVE

I am a transformational serpent of time. I come through the waters of emotion to bring forth the passion of life. I am born through the realm of what has been forgotten so that I may remember the Truth that propelled my birth to begin with. I am a constant glowing light in my soul opening to the light of the sun in my heart. Your eyes reflect my beauty; mine, yours. I can not take the separation of thoughts as the truth in my upbringing. I am an UPRISING and the passionate culmination of body and Spirit. I am loving my Self. I am loving your Self. There is nothing keeping us apart from trusting the process of illumination between us. When I consider this reality, I am open to the repercussions of MIND (illusion). I am open because I know that I will learn from my mistakes and through these mistakes, I will find Truth again and again.

The passion that I am experiencing is built upon a deeper feeling of compassion. My compassion stems from the Love that is inherent in my blood, my bones, my BEING in each moment to each moment to each moment - regardless of the circumstance. Doubt is irrelevant when Trust is always present. Fear is is a catalyst to success when I know that by looking at it, I am allowing Love and Love is the purest essence of who I am. I AM LOVE. And I see this love in your eyes because you, also, are this LOVE. What a beautiful moment of reciprocity. What a powerful sharing of TRUTH.

And the words fade because Love is here. And my smile merges with my heart as I kiss the sky, my reflection within it and see the waters ripple beneath my feet. I dance naked in the storm. I allow LOVE to flow because I AM. And You ARE. And the Truth does not lie. Love is above, beneath, but never beyond who I AM. Trust that You ARE too.

Discernment has no question

You can not hide from yourself. You can not truly be less than the truth that you are, in each moment. Your body speaks through cellular communication which reverberates throughout language, thought, mirrored attraction, and the ultimate appeal to life itself. In time, there is a space continuum that becomes the black hole of existence. We live in this space of paradoxical language and formless states. We are a part of the nothingness and the all. We are culminating all of the desires of doubt, pain, excellence, passion, progression and despair. Is there a difference in the transitions? Is there a permanent sever in the realm of creation? There can never be such a severance if there was never a disconnection to begin with. The mind's channeled energy has become static in the inter-activity of what has been lost. What does this mean? Our connections have been made to listen only with the statistical notions that we are a numbered identity with a name, date of birth, calculated existence on this planet and powered by the formed matter of our opinions. We created our reality by which we base our entire world view. We believe we are less than the Truth. We often feel less than the Love that is our divine inheritance. It is through the immaculate birth of our existential Self that allows us to see beyond our suffering lens. Do not deny the pain that is required of cleansing -- for our tears will mirror the reflection of the water, bitter with form, and seize this moment with the power to be transformed by the beauty that is ALL.

Simple reverence in thought. Simple humility in exchange for beauty and love. It's all the same. The distinction is only driven by ideas but the Truth holds no separation to what is real or not. Discernment can only be made when the mind and heart are one. We will know this...we will know this...and there will be no question at all.

The Work Is Done.

At this point the work is done. The old is diminished from the proper sequence of endearment. You no longer hold onto the past the way you once did. Something has changed. Ceaselessly searching, your search has now ceased. It’s a paradox in the field of “letting go.” There is a change here – something culminating from the fruition of all of your experiences, manifestations and dreams. Together, at this point, you are entering the pinnacle of existence in your life. It is a place of deep solitude, a calling for gratitude in the form of prayer and a “search” inward for the Truth that has all that you need. Let go of all else. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters but what is revealed between the inherent field of plenty. This “field” is not exclusive. It embodies all of life. It nurtures everything, controls nothing. There is a place here that suits you and welcomes your call of duty. You have been here before along with many others. You have seen the dream as more than it is. You know who you are.
And so I ask you, what are you waiting for? Why hide behind the veil of the illusion that scours your heart in flames? You are done with that cycle and ready to begin anew. This, you know. There is no turning back as all other “roads” will bring the same longing that calls you here, right now. There is nowhere to go; nothing to do but enter the silence and welcome yourself into all that you are. You will find your Truth here, always.
10/23/11

This Dance Is My Own

A certain voice has risen from the depths of my soul. I don’t know why I didn’t come into this moment soldiering through my fears and rising, again, a pure essence of the divinity I AM in this moment. I heard him watching me as I danced. I even saw his eyes. They looked compelled to enter the Mystery yet they stayed distant with the fog. No one shares the same experience. A known fact. A Truth left untold. Many believe that bliss follows the bliss of another. This is a false identity. No one can experience the same moment although they might be in the same time of space, their occupied space in “time” is meant for their perfection, not another. There are elements of Truth that arise amongst the whole that resonate on a Universal level but ultimately, we are having a personal experience of our own Spiritual Nature in this momentous element of “time” we have created within our own understanding. There are times that I have opened my heart and body to those around me, knowing “for sure” they could feel me, know me, love me the way I have opened up to them, in that moment. And then an immediate recognition of differentiation takes place. They are not in the same “space” in time that I have entered. I have opened my heart, my mind, my essence to their being yet , to them, something is lacking.

What was missing? As I reflect on the Truth that inhabits each moment, each being, each paradoxical offspring of thoughts inhabited through the many living Spirits that co-habitate on this planet, I realize that we are, indeed, mirrors but in no way are exact replicas of another. We share DNA traits, cultural traditions, societal standards, heriditary defaults, but in NO WAY are we EXACTLY the same in Spirit. What my Spirit possesses is a means of getting closer to the Truth of my own existence in this life time. Someone else might share insightful moments that integrate with my own, but never can they amount to the transformational energy that has made my life exactly what it is, today. To each it’s own. And that is the Truth. And yet we live amongst each other and sometimes within the field of each others existence and so we learn to adapt and grow and fuse new understanding(s) under the bridge of influence we subjugate ourselves with.
When I dance, I dance as if no one is watching and at the same time, I dance like the world is a stage. It is a symbiotic approach to me. It is all and the same. It is inclusive. Nothing exceeds the other. There is maturation in the process of discovery.
I have seen myself in this dance. This uncovering, this recovery, this discovery of who I AM in each moment I turn my hips to another tune, I move my neck toward the sky, I open my lips to the rain and drench my cheeks in the atmosphere of which I dwell, outwardly, inward. There is no difference, yet in this indifference is the complexity of union that exists throughout the whole of mankind. I am a part of this cycle. I am a part of this union of minds, hearts, souls and Spirits unmanifest in the realization of many. But I am also a part of the future. I am a part of the Dream. I am a part of the reality that knows that nothing matters but the here, the now and the present state of being that has me saying YES! to all that exists in life. And I have faith. I trust the Universe. I trust my Self. I trust the encompassing divinity of Nature that holds me closer and closer to the Truth that I AM ALL THAT EXISTS AROUND (AND WITHIN) my own Core Being. Love has no borders. This is where I stand, right here, right now.
8/31/11

Reality is who we are, what we believe, how we create

The reality is that there is nothing that “needs” to be done. We think we are here to actually commit ourselves to “doing” something. We think we are here to “be” something we may never have imagined before our conceptual understanding came into existence. We feel our feelings, sense our being-ness and move forward with a structured adherence to our own self-created reality. But the Truth lies beneath the surface layers of what our beliefs are, what we have created as a self-proprietary reality based on illusion. We possess, attach to, manipulate, hold tight to all that we “think” we need, earn, love, feel, “worked for,” deserve, etc. We believe a lie. We adhere to a dream. We call to the opposite of love even though we claim it as the very essence of our desire. What is it we truly desire? What is it we merge with in our sleep that calls us to enter the silence of our creation? What is it that wakes us from the slumber of our tumultuous existence we continue to spiral in – oblivious yet “knowing”?
This is THE time to wake up! This is THE time to adhere to our inherent calling of who we have been from the beginning of our merger into this sphere of relativity. Who we are is not defined by social norms or cultural ideals of life. Who we ARE is the breath that calls us back to ourselves. ..the inner source of our pain that lets us know that “something is not right;” “something is calling me back to an inner state of being that exists beyond this reality;” “something is leading me ‘home’ to my true birthright, my spiritual inheritance of an identity beyond the concept of form; to a place that exists where time is immeasurable and love is an energetic source of resonance beyond attachment.” There is nothing to hold onto. Nothing to let go of. Nothing to “be” a part from our true divinity that we see when we look deeper into the mirror of Self that has everything to do with self-revelation – not self-manipulation. It is beyond makeup, beyond perception, beyond identity, beyond form, beyond contrived situations we create as a frictional interpretation for simplicity. Kiss the wind tonight. Blow into the candle knowing that you ignite the flame with your breath, the same. Take a moment to contemplate the struggle that makes your imagination flow stronger than the words you leak without meaning. Remember that it is better to say nothing at all – then to speak without the voice of wisdom to guide the words. Remember that we are all on the same journey and whatever we do in this world is a reciprocal moment of the next. We create our patterns that kill and, ultimately, heal. We bring joy and sorrow. We bridge a gap that we placed before our very eyes. We see with illusion and clarity. We are a dualistic shamanic entity – form and formless – birthing the bliss and sovereignty of our generational longing. Tell me what you long for, my friend. For I long the same. And I speak to you, now, with the voice of many screaming from my lungs. Love is the answer. Non-attachment is the key. Let go of what you possess, what you cling to. Let go of your identity, your “you” that you think you are. Let go and find yourself in me, in your surroundings, in the heart of the many and you will see that your eyes were only closed for the temporary “need” to understand that everything exists in the eyes of the beholder. Behold Truth and thus you reflect that Truth with others. Love is bliss.
8/21/11

Emerge A Butterfly

In the distant silence is the truth that calls your name. In this moment where rest is an epiphany of discovery in a chaotic world, there is a resonance of heart. You will hear the many and their yearnings for something different. You will be a part of the necessary changes in the heart of the world and will discover your own inner resources at your Will. There will be bliss in every form of what discovery means to you. You will find harmony in your Being so nothing will be taken out of context, nothing lost, only personal empowerment gained from the inherent knowledge pouring through your veins, ringing through your ears, speaking tongues from the words that travel through your core. You will share the message of Love in all that you do and in that message you will also find the Truth of your own purpose, the “YOU” that is beyond who YOU thought you were. At this point, however, you will not be attached to those conditions of the mind. You will be open and heart-felt in the way you live, interact with all of life and will manifest your reality based on the understanding that life, itself, is beyond such a limited concept of “understanding” all together. Attachment is not in your vocabulary. Love is your passion stemming from an inner need to share the wisdom of the Universe at your side, within your Being, and a part of the daily “walk” you live in a conscious way. Every part of your demeanor will be authenticated with a Truth that you can not deny. To deny this Truth is to deny your spiritual inheritance. To deny your spiritual inheritance is to deny who you are, beyond meaning. At some point, you will find that nothing works but the seemingly quiet moments of solitude. You will find that your peace lies in the inner world of your creative heart. Nothing will be True without the deep reflections of wisdom breathing through your lungs. Look within now. Find five minutes in your day to “re-member” your birthright, your Truth, and you will see the beauty that surrounds your very intention to connect to who you already are beyond these limited restrictions you have placed upon yourself on Earth. You are more than this. Know it. You are the blissful reflection of Spirit waiting to unveil the mask of eternity. Call on your Spirit Guides. Merge with your inner knowing. KNOW YOURSELF NOW. It is your time to “be”…the butterfly you are.

Embodying the Goddess of the Flame: A Journey into the Wilderness

Embodying the Goddess of the Flame

Change happens. For me, it is a continual flow of energy moving through my energetic body like a serpent in water. It challenges my very essence to grow. It pushes the edges of my creativity to merge into a deeper understanding of Self. Oftentimes, my ego gets hurt. It takes discernment and an embodied approach to co-create a new “reality” based on these imminent changes occurring within and without of my very core being. Sometimes, an initiation is necessary to step forward on our path. Sometimes, there is a threshold that must be crossed, a rite of passage that must be taken, and a complete “let go” that must happen to open the heart for the Truth of compassionate love to enter.

Recently, I had the opportunity to explore the dark edges of my reality by drawing in the light of the sun. It was an experience that pulled me deeper into the Earth Mother’s womb, cradling my inner child, waking the serpent of time along the spinal column of life within me; and thus, birthing who I AM through an embodied experience of vitality, creativity, love, and sensual pleasures. On this journey, a sacred container was held for myself and all the other fellow journeyers who had chosen to walk the same path, in their own rites of passage. We were invited to set an intention toward a Vision Fast which we would be participating in within the Colorado wilderness – at a place called, Stillpoint. The name, Stillpoint, was an appropriate metaphor for the energy that was calling me to enter the silence of my own creation, and the creation of the larger systems around me. This “calling” started before my arrival to the sacred site, even before I left home.

Before leaving, I was asked what a Vision Fast was. And why would I ever want to go somewhere with the potential to be alone, without food (and in some fasts/quests, without water), for three days and three nights? My answer seemed simple. I wanted to know my Self beyond my own limited perceptions of time and space. Perhaps what seemed “simple” to me was a complicated answer to those around me. What did “know my Self” really mean? What was I searching for? Was I searching for anything at all? The School of Lost Borders guides and authors, John V. Davis and Nancy Jane, state that “The three stages of the vision fast correspond to the stages of all rites of passage and transitions: leaving home and the familiar, confronting a trial in order to win a gift, and return home, changed and empowered. These stages also reflect the archetypal patterns of spiritual work: disidentification from the ego-self, an emptiness and exploration, and realization of a more mature and expanded sense of self, or simply, retreat, emptiness, and return” (n.d., p 2). This explanation hit “home” for me. It perpetuated the internal change that was already treading the abyss of my own understanding. It was the key to the reason I was taking this journey, with or without the immediate surrender I would encounter along the way.

The day of our arrival was more chaotic than grounding, at first. It reflected the uncertainty of my being there and what I thought “needed” to be done back at home. We got lost within the first half hour, looking for our camp site. Although I did not experience frustration as much as I did confirmation that this trip was, indeed, going to be an unexplainable “surprise” no matter what my expectations were, there was a feeling of ease that I was returning to the wild again – the wild of Nature and the wild of Self (my human-nature Self). Our three guides and facilitators: Nancy Jane, Nate, and Kinde were holding space, creating sanctuary, and opening a doorway into the unknown for us during the first three days of initiation. What was my intention with this experience? Unclear at first, I was, eventually, guided to the intuitive knowledge that self-care and nurturing was what I needed most of all. This was the most revealing discovery during this phase of the eight day journey.
Everyone had a different element to bring to the circle of intentions. Mine lived in the south shield --the direction of the embodied priestess, the sensual and archeyptal (eros) Goddess who loves her body and all the simplicities of the Earth Mother in which she revels in. After living most of my life for others, giving to others, caring for others, it was a pivotal moment to realize that my deepest desire and most complete and necessary way of “giving to others” was through my intention, I am going out on the hill to serve by allowing myself to receive abundantly and joyously. Saying those words were not only empowering but deeply healing and the first steps of the transformational process of the Vision Fast that had found its purpose within me.

Author Jamie Sams explains in her book, Dancing the Dream: The Seven Sacred Paths to Human Transformation, “During our lives we often lose wonder and the excitement that gave us our original intent and purpose. Every time we can be reminded of why we want to continue to serve, we are given a rebirth of purpose that fuels our strength to carry on” (1998, p. 55). My purpose for this Vision Fast was restoring balance to my own inner (and outer) needs by “reminding” myself that to give freely, openly, and with love, I must be willing to receive abundantly and joyously in return. Limiting my own needs in this regard can be a spiritual “trap” in which I convince myself that I am here as a care-giver – trapping myself into the role of martyr.
On the first day of our journey to our sacred “visioning” spot, I stepped through the ceremonial threshold to a place of deep recognition that I was about to face a part of myself that had been disconnected from the source for some time. This intuitive “knowing” brought tears streaming down my cheeks as I acknowledged the circle of support around me. On the way to the hill that I would be occupying for three days, a black bear streaked across the path behind me running straight for the land that was calling me “home.”

After I reached the sacred ground that I found situated in the south-east corner of the property, it took only a few seconds until the same black bear had arrived on the same spot my tent would be placed. “Hey bear!” Those were the words I used over and over until the bear turned and ran back into the woods above us. Relieved? Our guide, Nate, did a check in with me to see if the bear was still there and then left me alone, after he knew I was safe, with his final words, “good job.” Good job? For the rest of the day, after setting up camp, I participated in south shield activities of basic fight or flight tactics, nudity, identification with my natural surroundings all the while holding two sharp knives – one in each hand. I was Warrior Goddess and frightened inner child vacillating worlds of tender appreciation with the aspects of what this direction was gifting me with and what was lying beneath the surface layers of its meaning.

Black bear medicine, according to Ted Andrews’ book, Animal Speak, reminds us to be very playful – just as they are during their youth and through adulthood. As bear medicine, in general, invites us to go within our deepest selves and listen to our inner knowing, black bear brings playfulness to our lives during the process (2000, p. 252) . Gaining this insight after witnessing black bear in my camp site was beneficial for my personal needs of incorporating “play” that I was ready to allow into my life again. For that, I was grateful.

The nights on the hill were easy for me. I watched the sun move through the sky to determine the time. Every evening, I would crawl into my tent, the “womb,” before sunset, ready to hibernate until the singing of dawn would wake me in the morning. At night, I had no fear – perhaps symbolic that going into the “dark” did not scare me either. By the crack of dawn, I was ready for the day to begin.

Day two of my quest was spent in pure ecstasy of the land and the vast skies above me. I spent the majority of the day, naked, touching Earth, trees, new growth, observing bees and flies and butterflies hovering around me as I tanned beneath the light of the sun. That day I was a Goddess – the Goddess of the flame…embodying the need for sensual pleasure, erotic metaphors of fertility and new birth throughout Nature and within my own core as I, simultaneously, merged with thoughts of family, children, and love.

The third day I awoke, again, at the first signs of life – the bird’s singing, the squirrels chattering, and the cool breeze rustling the leaves outside the tent walls. I unzipped myself from the womb I felt so safe within at night and emerged from the cocoon that had been in gestation for the two days before. This day was a day of creativity and purpose. I chanted and sang while making up new songs of my own. I built a protection circle around my tent in which I felt called to enrapture myself in. As I focused on the vibratory essence of my voice, I felt my energetic resonance lift to a higher frequency. Still naked, dancing in the wind, following the breeze around my circle, I touched Earth in a new way, a new “light.” It was as if the Goddess within me had merged with my inner child and become a Priestess of ceremony. I moved, lightly, through the woods, adding elements of Nature to the give-away “gift” I was making for my return to camp the following morning. I felt complete on this day. I asked deep questions without analyzing the outcome. I received “good information” that downloaded through written words in my journal. I “got” the message. By the time it was getting close to dusk, I crawled back into the womb again and closed my eyes.

On the fourth and final morning, I awoke, again, at dawn’s early rise. As I lifted my head, a gush of life-giving energy flowed from between my legs – giving birth to my Self, my re-birth into who I AM. I began my menstrual cycle, a week early, and knew it was time to head back to camp. I packed up a few items, journeyed “home” as a grateful Warrioress, Goddess, Priestess, and Child embodying the Truth of my experience.

I shared my story with the rest of the group who each had their own stories to share. And what I gained from this journey “home” was that the power within my Self comes only from honoring, nurturing, and taking care of MY needs – abundantly and joyously as I move forward in service to and for the rest of the world. It is a lesson of reciprocity and the necessity of enjoying life’s pleasures amidst the “work” that needs to be done. All is good. All is beautiful. All is a reflection of that beauty within our own hearts. I will NOT forget to love my Self so that my love will continue to be a bridge to loving others, in return.





References
Andrews, Ted. (2000). Animal speak: The spiritual and magical powers of creatures great and small (p. 252). St. Paul, MN: Llewellyn Publications.
Davis, J., & Jane, N. (n.d.). Vision fast information (p. 2). Unpublished manuscript. Retrieved from http://www.johnvdavis.com/wild/vfinfo.htm
Sams, J. (1998). Dancing the dream: The seven sacred paths of human transformation (p. 55). New York: Harper SanFrancisco.