Monday, February 15, 2010

A "Love" Letter


The very essence of your "be-ing" I have found in Love and in that same essence I have found my Self in the reflection of the divine substance we share, as one. There is no "figuring" with what dwells so deep, so intimately...for the Truth is the "looking" we have found when we let go of our eyes.
And in your eyes, I too see your Truth which is of mine and I feel you here, even from afar...for no material distance can match the flame of love that burns within the souls of faith.
And even in faith, we need not put our trust for our divinity is far beyond the concept of prayer. To me, my Love, it is no more separated than the illusion I play with daily. It is when we devour the moment with complete emptiness of what our "needs" should be that "nothing" exists perfectly within and of us.
I long to know that which I forget. I long to forget that which I know. And I long to touch the deepest levels of my Being that are merely the divine reflection I am graced upon with each breath.
And in this moment, a simple state of bliss is preserved for the love I feel for you, mankind, and an earnest need to surrender to the power of Love that suits me best. Our Love is not of this world yet, in it, it exists. When I listen to my breath away from that which I perceive as "mine", the wind of change becomes me. It is the magic of renewal that bestows the gift of Love my way, again.
And in this Love births relationships born of Love, unto Love, for the hopes to create more Love on Earth in exchange. The courtship of life is an ongoing flow of simple beauty spilling into passionate skies and blissful rivers seeping into oceans so infinite that waves of Love pound against us with a bittersweet fervor to bring us "Home".
And Love, sweet Love...how it burns so deep, so passionately that all illusion comes up...surfacing like rocks in a stream. We do not see them for what they are and instead of accepting this change in flow, we continue to hit ourselves against the rocks. Yet the water flows on, bends to another direction that creates a new light to follow. When we choose to let go of the struggle and follow this new light, then we learn to Love again.
And again, I am eternally grateful for Love. And for you, my Love, I am eternally grateful for allowing me to bend with the waters of emotion and grace your stream through turbulent patterns only to let go, again and again, of conditioned ways.
Strength abounds in the weakest moments. Truth arises in the history of doubt. And the future of what is to "be" is only known, presently, of Love.
For I can not imagine anything worth living for but Love and thus I live for Love, day by day, knowing -too- that I die the same with each breath that passes...because Love is like that.
And in this Love, you exist with me, with ALL of LIFE and there is no separation from the Truth that we "are".
There are no words that can save us but Love itself - and I long to remember, over and over, that which is already "Me" and thus I let go, over and over, the "me" I think I am.
And the Truth goes on with words that ramble but knowing you, blending Spirits in the face of Love, and touching hearts with a Love not even the Universe would deny...
I am blessed beyond measure with the peace of knowing that we are One in this Universe and have come to make manifest the glory of the Universe on Earth.
5/4/03

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Mindfulness


Mindfulness is the key that shall unlock the secrets of the Universe.
They say that the mind is an atom of delicate wisdom when released from the constraints of illusion. This wisdom is in direct relation to that of the heart and the alignment necessary to access the Spirit World. What we don't understand is that the answers are not what we expect but most often exactly what we fear.
There is no comprehension of the manifestations of Spirit Work in words. Silence is the wisdom of the Universe. When we use our breath in alignment with the seasonal changes of life, we are opening channels that allow for the darkest light to surface so that we can begin to build the bridge so long ago suffered from mankind.
This patriarchal life style does not serve our needs any longer. Thoughts do not serve our needs any longer. There is nothing worth saying without the breath of wisdom to guide the words.
No stories will save our egos. No union will manifest reality based on illusion. It is time to drop it all: the ego, the veil of illusion and bring forth the "new" consciousness so long ago forgotten. This is a new season and love pours out of us like the nectar of birth. This is not saying that love is not possible between two hungry souls...it is only opening new channels of experience of what love really is. Love is growth,love is breaking down every part of your "self" you believe is real. Love hurts so much it heals the heart with a compassionate yet disciplined slap to the ego.
When you are ready to let down the guard that constrains the heart, restricts the breath and pours longing from behind its shield, then love will come - whipping your Spirit into a fine-grained substance of humility, self-acceptance, and a new desire for something so deep that all other self-created "needs" will dissipate into the cleansing fire of Truth. What resumes from such a cleansing is Power. This "power" is the intensity of life where breath evolves, where hearts rejoice with the abundance of communion, where the voice is blessed with angelic praise and raised to a vibration other worldly.
This is the season that births the renewal of change. It is the moment the heart grows with the heavens and love detaches from the face you thought you had. What is removed is gently replaced with an innocense unknown to time but brought to life with the power of healing.
You will know the resurrection of death as all of the "work" and progress made over the years will burst forth like the blossoms dancing in the light of the sun. You will feel the nurturing of opposites at play...light and dark, womb and contact made from above. Your womb will grow with the seasons again and change will occur on many levels. You will be the experience of fruition you always longed for.
Your manifestations of reality will explode with a Truth that will propel you to push forth into the atmosphere of creation and love. Some will wonder why you went so far as to let go of all that you had, but all that you had was only the first step to the lessons being experienced at the time.
Power will be yours and the yang of evolution that fertilized your sweet concept of reality will shatter and break the ego to a molten rock of memories. You will forget the face you wore in the crowd and remember the essence that carried you to freedom. You will know the no-thing-ness that dwells within and with this birth will come insight into the protection of spiritual adversity. You will want to partake in the essence of humanity on a level you have never experienced before. There will be time for no-thing. There will be moments of silence to bring you closer to the One Living God. You and Spirit will find peace through union and your partner will support you in your journey of love.
You will grow in this deep silence - your prayers will be answered, your voice will be heard, and all illusion will drop away with the mask you so wanted to lose since birth.
You have been strong through these cycles and it is your time to rise up with the sun, your Grandfather, and put to use the energies of the moon from the creator that dwells within you. People will come. They will listen. And you will have faith in each moment that passes you by...the fulfillment of breath in reality.
The performance that will break through the walls you once shared with others will allow you to play the role of motherhood out through action - not words. You will live by example and this will be your greatest gift as the work that you do to get there will be the ultimate test of faith in love of the Universe at play with your essence. You already know this and your preparation time is closing...for you are ready for the initiation into the motherhood of earth's love and to fulfill that you must vow to do the work with an awareness that most will not understand. You must be ready to let go of all that you have held onto in the materialistic and egocentric realms as your potential is beckoning you to come out and merge with it in the fire of creation.
You are on your way to wholeness and you will be supported from here on out. Your love will continue to grow with the love of a man you know will provide. It is the gift you have been given for the hard work put into so many relationships before.
This will not be an easy road as it will force you to look at yourself on levels you never knew existed in your old habitual patterns of thought. However, you will be open and understanding and therefore your love with this union will be the grounding force that shall set you free on this earth plane.
You must make manifest the glory of the Universe in the realms of unity on earth. I will only say once that stature of the work you have to do. As needless as these words are, it is important for you to understand the ego must be dropped to bond with the potential that will touch the hearts you call to your side. You are love and love is the essence that will continue to guide you into your fruits of labor.
Follow your dreams...
4/13/03

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Ecopsychology: Reconnecting with Nature (a feature-length magazine article)


Ecopsychology: Reconnecting with Nature
By: Tatiana Casey

I couldn’t sleep. For the first time in a long time, I had stepped out of the comfort zone I had made of my life in Texas and into an unfamiliar territory. I lay awake on the tattered brown couch near the window of a dense, Oregon landscape. As I watched my thoughts pass by like clouds, oblivious to the low hums of music still playing in the background, I felt the stroke of a familiar hand on my face. The gentleness in her touch and recognizable long fingers could be none other than my best friend, Ivory. She leaned over the couch. Her thick, red curls were wrapped in a hand-knit, yellow, scarf. "Let's go to the top of Mount Tabor and watch the sun rise," she said. Her penetrating blue eyes stared into mine, pulling me up from my seat. She then handed me a yellow overcoat that, appropriately, matched the scarf she was wearing and we headed out the door.

The spring air was crisp. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets to keep warm. White flowers cascaded from the branches of cherry trees as we followed the paved roads to the extinct volcano, now a 196 acre park in the middle of south-east Portland. Upon entering the park, the smell of wet fir and pine trees flooded my senses with an aroma so unlike the smell of the oak and mesquite trees I had grown accustomed to in Texas. Suddenly, the sound of pounding feet startled us. When I turned to see what was approaching at such rapid speed, a group of runners passed by. A young man, no older than 21years, slowed for a brief moment to greet us. “Beautiful morning,” he said, smiling. I nodded in agreement. He then picked up his speed and joined the group ahead. Nature seems to have an inspiring, infectious feeling today, I thought.

Before long, we reached the trail-head and began our 20 minute ascent up the mountainside. Silence. The trees were watching, the wind whispering to us to follow. As I trudged up the trail, my mind became a silent reverie lost in the moment. Ivory was also quiet – absorbing the subtle hints of morning rain dripping from the canopy of Douglas firs onto her pale, freckled cheeks. With each step, I began to notice things I had never paid attention to before. A stone, which would have been meaningless to me in the past, glistened in a patch of English ivy. As I untangled it from the vines, I remembered a friend, Lakota Indian, who once told me that - in his tradition - stones were actually “stone people” and the history of our land was recorded within them. He said to listen to the stones and observe our surroundings - as what we see on the outside is a reflection of what is happening on the “inside” as well. Before that day, I didn’t realize that he was talking about our connection with the Earth.

We reached the top of the mountain. As we sat at the edge of the overlook and gazed upon the orange and red hues of morning light that graced Mt. Hood in the distance, a strange and beautiful feeling came over me. The birds, normally so distant from my daily thoughts, became a part of my soul. Song sparrows, robins, and crows joined together in an ensemble of joy, slowly voicing their song with the rising sun. The wind, blowing wildly through the leaves, swirled around me, opening my heart in the ecstasy of its arrival. A few drops of rain mimicked the tears that ran down my cheeks. Alive again! “Do you know what this means?” I asked my friend in a confirming voice – so as to reiterate what she already knew.
“Yes,” she said, “and this is a gift that nature has shared with you.” Her face was illuminated like the sun rising through the clouds - transforming my tears into laughter.

This was the first experience I had of a deeply, heart-felt communion with nature since childhood. It was this connection, on the top of Mt. Tabor, that lured me on the path of ecopsychology and prompted me to explore the importance that nature plays in our lives.

Ecopsychology considers the connection between our self and the rest of nature to be essential to mental, and thus, ecological health (Ammel & Manning, 2009, p.14). In one way, ecopsychology offers a way to view the connection between the Earth and humans as symbiotic. Studies by Robert Ulrich and others have provided empirical evidence of the healing properties nature, and of the benefits being exposed to natural surroundings, has on a person’s physiological health. Various studies show that being in and around nature reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and even speeds recovery time for individuals who are ill and have a room with “view” vs. those without exposure to nature of any kind (Kweon et al., 2008, p.356).

Additional evidence shows that our relationship with the environment, as an adult, stems from our attachment patterns developed in early infancy. If our early experiences are mostly positive, and we have developed the capacity to relate, we are able to create meaningful attachments (including with nature) and thus, have the ability to regulate our emotional world and maintain good mental health (Jordan, 2009, p.27).

Without the acknowledgment that the earth is a necessary extension of ourselves, and that we have been depleting it of its natural resources, we are not only in danger of losing the land in which we are inherently reliant upon, but we are endangering our overall physical and psychological health as well. For that reason, the therapeutic goal of ecopsychology is to awaken the inherent sense of environmental reciprocity that lies within the ecological unconscious, healing the alienation of person and planet (Jordan, 2009, p.27). If one experience in nature provided me with a sense of peace and appreciation, I am interested to know if eco-therapies can do the same for others, and possibly sustain this feeling of health and well-being.

Defining our Connection
Since my experience on Mt. Tabor, I have struggled to find, not only the right words to express my experience, but a path that acknowledged and integrated the healing benefits and innate connection between humanity and the natural world. As an undergraduate student in psychology, I began to investigate ways in which nature could be incorporated into a therapeutic practice. Nearly a year ago, while searching the web for graduate schools, I came across two educational programs that offered integrative approaches of “healing through nature”: Naropa University’s low-residency MA program in Transpersonal Psychology with an Ecopsychology concentration, and Project NatureConnect’s online program of Natural Attraction Ecology.

When I found Dr. John Davis, a lean man with short, unkempt, russet hair that complimented his light brown eyes and studious glasses, I was intrigued by his debonair appearance. As professor and director of Naropa University’s MA program in Boulder, Colorado and staff member of the School of Lost Borders, I imagined that his graying facial hair and button up dress shirt distinguished him from his students. On the Naropa University website, beneath his picture, was an impressive biography and email address that, ultimately, became an opportunity for me to contact him regarding ecopsychology.

Davis graciously accepted my request for an interview and, by email, responded with a brief introduction of his work in the field, “Before the term [ecopsychology] was used, I taught stress management programs. I recognized that I went to nature - backyard or wilderness - to manage my own stress. Also, wilderness experiences were powerful transformative experiences for me. When the term ecopsychology began to be used, it fit for me.” In the 1980’s, Davis was an activist in preventing nuclear war. After the Cold War ended, he recognized that environmental destruction was an enormous threat to human life and especially to children (Davis, 2009).
“My work with environmental action also fit well with what I understood ecopsychology to be,” he added. After graduating with a BA in Psychology at Wake Forest University, Davis continued his education at Naropa University and, in 1977, obtained a Ph.D. in Experimental Psychology at the University of Colorado. Since then, he has been teaching, developing, and implementing various programs that promote and encourage healing through personal growth and our natural environment.

A successful introduction with John Davis inspired me to contact Dr. Michael Cohen, the creator, director, and teacher of Project NatureConnect’s Applied Ecopsychology on-line courses and degree programs. When I called Dr. Cohen one early Sunday morning, I did not expect an answer. After only two short rings, he surprised me with an energetic greeting and was more than eager to provide information about his program of Natural Attraction Ecology. Michael, as he preferred to be called, has an extensive background in natural ecology. Since 1959, Cohen has committed his life to living, learning and teaching in nature. While leading a group, in 1966, near the Colorado River in Grand Canyon National Park, he had a transformational experience during a freak thunderstorm (Cohen, 2009). “The profound geological effects of that storm on the landscape convinced me that the Earth and I both acted homeostatically, and there was nothing that I did that it couldn’t do, except be literate. It therefore had to be alive, since I knew I was, and we were identical,” Cohen said about his experiences in nature that encouraged him on the path that he still walks today.

His enthusiasm and intrigue in the subject and desire to spread the message of our innate connection with the Earth motivated him to email me several links (over 60 pages) of dissertations, books and articles he has written over the years to assist in answering my questions. With a degree in Biology, MA in teaching and a Ph.D. in Applied Ecopsychology, Natural Attraction Ecology, and Environmental Psychology, he has a wealth of knowledge about the natural world. Nevertheless, when it came down to the actual interviews, both Davis and Cohen were neck and neck with imparting, what they consider to be, important information on the topic of ecopsychology and the perspectives in which they hold to teach others along the way.

The concept behind ecopsychology is not new. Yet, like my own struggle to convey the experience I had with nature by defining the connection, there is a continuing debate of what ecopsychology means on a personal level. “In its simplest conception, an ‘eco-psychology’ places psychology in its ecological and biospheric context” (Doherty, 2009, p. 2). Both Davis and Cohen believe in the interconnectedness of person and planet. For Davis, ecopsychology is “a seamless connection between humans and the natural world. Both arise from the same source,” he explains; “there is a mutual contribution of ecology and psychology that manifests through two sides of ecopsychology” (Davis, 2009). He describes these two sides as a dialect between both fields where, together, they: 1) bring the healing and growth potentials of direct contact with nature into psychotherapy and human development and 2) bring more psychological sophistication to environmental action (Davis, 2009).

Although Cohen agrees with Davis when he says, “The human mind, body and spirit are a seamless continuum of nature’s life-giving flow in, through and around us,” he also adds, “humanity alone thinks and feels through literate and abstract stories that are foreign to nature. Ecopsychology is an investigation of the relationship and the adverse effects of human stories that demean nature’s self- organizing and self-correcting intelligence” (Cohen, 2009). Despite the subtle differences in opinion, it appears that most ecopsychologists, including Davis and Cohen, agree that direct contact with nature is healing.

Ecotherapy, a form of healing through nature, is currently being viewed as “critical” for therapists to incorporate into their practice when dealing with some of the catastrophic earth-related disasters that have caused psychological damage to individuals (Berger & McLeod, 2006, p.80). Davis, who leads wilderness rites of passage trips and trains wilderness rites of passage guides through the School of Lost Borders, agrees that ecotherapy works because, “nature reflects or mirrors our wholeness and inner coherence. It also helps the tension, agitation, and defensiveness of the ego relax while promoting fascination, curiosity and love” (Davis, 2009).Through ecotherapy, clients relate directly to the natural world in which opens them up to transformation (2009). In spite of this, Davis does not take nature for granted. “I don’t want to dismiss the ways in which ‘nature’ can kill and eat us. I think the real edge of danger has an awakening effect because we are connecting with a part of our selves that has been unconscious or split off” (2009).

According to Cohen, ecotherapy only works, “depending on the nature of the process involved and how hurt or deadened an individual’s 53 natural attraction senses are and how many, or how strongly, they can be revived” (Cohen, 2005, p.1). Cohen describes theses 53 senses through his courses in Natural Attraction Ecology. There is no guaranteed success through any one ecotherapy because, “sometimes we are blind to what is good for us” (Davis, 2009), or “one has to find what they are looking for through trial and error” (Cohen, 2009). However, ecotherapy offers different “nature-informed” approaches that can allow for human communities and the natural world to reconnect - for the benefit of the physical planet as well as for the well-being and happiness of the people within it (Berger & McLeod, 2006, p. 81).

From personal experience, I know that being in nature can feel healing, even empowering. To Davis, one way to incorporate nature into our lives is to “recognize that you are nature – human nature – and take joy and comfort in the deep connections with what you are. At the same time, welcome the chance to be the world caring for itself through you,” (Davis, 2009).Cohen, on the other hand, says that most of us have experienced “ecopsychology in action” whenever we have had a renewing experience in a natural area but that most of our senses have “deadened” as a result of the socialization and prejudice against nature that we have learned since birth (Cohen, 2009). Cohen also deems that “since nature is self-correcting, when we are in contact with a natural setting, we connect the nature of our psyche to nature’s healing ways and strengthen both in the process” (Cohen, 2009). The goal is to get past our avoidance of nature, whether through venturing into nature on our own or experiencing ecotherapy in one form or another, so that we can begin to understand and heal both the Earth and ourselves, as a whole.

Ecotherapies: Healing through Nature
“Experiencing the healing energies of nature more often and in greater depth is an essential objective of the ecotherapeutic process,” Howard Clinebell, PH.D. explains in his book, Ecotherapy: healing ourselves, healing the earth (Clinebell, 1996, p.194). However, it is not always easy to get “back to nature.” Over the past few years, my connection with nature has also changed. Despite my studies in ecopsychology, the obligations I have acquired as a full-time student and mother have shifted my priorities from outdoor adventures to domestic duties and deadlines. Regrettably, my relationship with nature has come to exist, primarily, within the context of philosophical and environmental discussion. As a result of this separation and subsequent “gained knowledge” of environmental issues, I often succumb to feelings of guilt and anxiety. Eco-therapists refer to this type of anxiety as “eco-anxiety” and claim that, “getting back [to nature] doesn’t have to be difficult” (Walsh, 2009). Joanna Macy, ecotherapist and eco-philosopher, prescribes three things to help relieve this anxiety and grief: take some action, however small, to defend our natural environment and animal/plant siblings; begin to build a better, more sustainable society, starting at home; and be open to shifting consciousness by discovering new ways to see things cognitively (Buzzell & Chalquist, 2009, p. 53).

Clinebell claims that through telling our “ecological story” by expressing our thoughts, images, and feelings about the earth (including the perils we have had in confronting it), we are helping to reconnect with nature - despite any feelings of separation (Clinebell, 1996, p.3). This therapeutic approach in story-telling, along with the approach of keeping a nature journal to record time spent outdoors, often encourages individuals to step “outside the box” –both literally and metaphorically. Dr. Cohen, however, reiterates that “there are other stories – our prejudice against nature stories – that make our consciousness reject and lose contact with the therapeutic and renewing ways of natural systems, in and around us” (Cohen, 2009). These contradictory “stories” reflect an imbalance that has occurred within us – a push-pull relationship with our natural environment and ourselves that have resulted in ill-health and environmental crisis. Although ecotherapy works to address these issues, not every ecotherapeutic process will work for each individual. Because we all have our own personal “story” and experience nature in our own way, it is up to each of us to determine which therapy will work best for our needs.

At the age of 26, prior to my awareness of the growing field of ecopsychology, I graduated from the New Mexico Academy of Healing Arts with a certificate in Polarity Therapy (a holistic alternative medicine health system using energy fields) and Massage Therapy. Shortly after, I moved to the Colorado mountains, set up a table in the meadow near my home and began, what I called, “meadow massage.” This was my first attempt to bridge nature into my healing practice and my first experience, as a practitioner, in ecotherapy. Ecotherapy encompasses a variety of methods - whether at home, clinical settings or out in nature - to assist in re-establishing our connection with the Earth. Even within our busy schedules, we can connect with nature by, simply, stepping out into our own natural surroundings - backyard, parks, or wilderness - or posting scenic landscape pictures in rooms without a view (Kweon et al., 2008). Furthermore, when we make conscious decisions to recycle and buy local, organic products, or choose to incorporate animals and plants into our lives (Buzzell and Chalquist, 2009, p.51), we are taking responsibility for our actions and developing healthy choices for ourselves and the planet as well. Other eco-therapeutic approaches include – but are not limited to - various forms of experiential methods such as adventure or wilderness therapy, horticulture therapy, and ritual. Because of the diversity of approaches offered, I have focused on the experiential methods (which peaked my interest) concerning adventure therapy, wilderness therapy and ritual.

Adventure therapy, also known as activity-based psychotherapy, uses adventure activities - ropes courses, initiatives and games - as one type of intervention in the client’s overall treatment plan (Newes & Bandoroff, p.10). While some therapists use nature as the primary location for these activities (Berger & McLeod, 2006, p. 81), they are, more often, held in settings at or near the therapeutic facility of the client, in a park-like setting, or in an open space using mobile elements (Newes & Bandoroff, p.10). First established and used, primarily, for individuals and young adults with special needs, boundary issues with authority, body complex issues and those suffering from psychiatric illness (McLeod, 2006, p. 82), adventure therapy helps clients to incorporate team-building, problem solving skills, and trust within a group setting (Newes & Bandoroff, p. 10). Ultimately, clients experience increased group cohesion and confidence as each challenge is successfully overcome. Prior to the ecotherapeutic movement, “some adventure therapists gave nature little if any mention when it came to the therapeutic success” (Beringer, 2004, p. 51). Nevertheless, as ecopsychology evolved, other forms of adventure therapy branched out to include more ecotherapeutic roles – and destinations.

Wilderness therapy, a nature-informed approach to healing and branch of the adventure therapy model, challenges participants to face their fears by exposing their body and senses to the elements of nature while, subsequently, learning about their own human-nature in the process. Frequently described as experiential education (Newes & Bandoroff, p.2), participants are guided by trained professionals into nature for days or weeks. Depending on the guides, therapists, and programs involved, wilderness therapy can function in a variety of ways. For example, ecopsychology pioneer and nature guide, Robert Greenway, requires considerable periods of silence, listening, pondering and contemplation during his wilderness trips. Yet, unlike other nature guides, he does not look at words as an “enemy” in the process (Buzzell & Chalquist, 2009, p. 134). Greenway believes that, “In the backcountry, our perception can change at very deep levels. Dreams change, as does the desire to manipulate the world in ways that damage it” (2009, p.138). During a six month back-packing journey through Mexico and Guatemala, I had the opportunity to experience nature in the same way Greenway described. With only a hammock, sleeping bag and back-pack, I spent my days swimming in lakes, climbing mountains and volcanoes, trekking through jungles and playing on the beach. My nights were wrapped in fire-side conversations, starry skies, full moons, and rituals - inspiring me to create new meaning in my life. I taught myself how to play the guitar, trusted my voice when singing, and learned the value of my own skin’s natural oils as I communed with nature – away from the artificial elements of air-conditioners and electric heat. My body was becoming “one” with the Earth and my mind, quieting, in the presence of the Earth’s beauty. I developed a deep respect for nature which changed the way I viewed the world, along with my writing style, into a more “earth-based” reflection of life that I still use today.

Rituals, such as a ceremonial rites of passage or vision fast, are sometimes incorporated into wilderness therapy. As a wilderness guide through the School of Lost Borders, Dr. John Davis integrates a variation of this ritual into the expeditions. With the intention of a transformational experience or “vision,” participants are encouraged to meditate, reflect, or pray as they fast (without food or water) for a day or longer – alone, in the wilderness. The vision fast, or modern day vision quest, “is a border crossing practice. When one steps across the threshold and into the unknown wilderness, boundaries begin to dissolve and our vision begins to expand. The threshold place is a dreamscape, where everything is pregnant with meaning, and nature, once again, speaks to us in the voices of rock, tree, and wind. Following the ancient pathway of this rite of passage, we step into our true nature and remember our home among the wild. We become who we were born to be” (School of Lost Borders, 2009, pg. 1). Although the experience of a vision fast is similar to that of a vision quest, Davis (during the course of our interview) discouraged the use of this name [quest] out of respect for the “relationship of its use with Native American Indian practices” (Davis, 2009). While the term, ritual, can be applied in many forms and interpreted in different ways, the reality that it has been used for healing within varying cultures around the world and is now being practiced in clinical and nature settings within modern western therapy, demonstrates the necessity of the process involved. Although it has a history with “paganism” and “witchcraft” that has stirred controversy over its use in modern therapy, “the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition (DSM-IV), which is the bible of mainstream mental health practice, now recognizes that spiritual and religious beliefs can play a mitigating role in psychological disturbances” (Buzzell & Chalquist, 2009, p. 260).

Despite the devastating environmental challenges we are encountering in the world today, along with a decrease in our overall physical and psychological health, most people are still unaware of the connection between our symptoms, the pressures of modern civilization, and our destructive lifestyles (Buzzell & Chalquist, 2009, p. 47). However, by raising awareness of our place in the ecosystem and the importance of our connection and involvement with the Earth, we can begin to take responsibility for our actions and work toward restoring the catastrophic divisions that we have made with ourselves, others, and the environment in which we live. Thus, whether we choose to use ecotherapy as a source of healing or find healing in nature on our own, [the theory behind] ecotherapy reminds us that our relationship with the Earth remains to be the most important relationship we have in sustaining the lives of future generations.

Realizing our “Human-Nature”
When I was a child, I had a natural attraction to the Earth. I wanted nothing more than to play outside, sleep under the stars, climb rocks and swim in every lake, river or ocean I could find. My parents didn’t teach me about this connection. I was born with it – as I believe each of us are. Over time, although I was unaware of what was happening, I began to spend more and more time indoors – school, work, social activities – and lost my connection with nature. I stopped caring for the Earth the way I did as a child. Yet, after my experience on Mt. Tabor, I realized that “Nature” had never stopped caring for me. From that point on, I chose to be accountable for my actions. As eco-philosopher and ecotherapist, Joanna Macy, suggests, I began recycling, buying local, organic products, and even helped create the Green Earth People Center - a local, art-inspired barter program that neared non-profit status. Today, ecopsychology allows me to relate with the natural world in all that I do – thus, promoting healing on a personal and environmental level. If everyone reached (even a small step) back to nature, we could begin to understand our own “human-nature” and realize that, with every choice we make toward healing ourselves, we are initiating a step toward healing the Earth as well. Besides, what more could our children ask for…than the hope of a better future?



References
Bandoroff, S. & Newes, S. (2006). What is Adventure Therapy? In Coming of Age: The Evolving Field of Adventure Therapy. (pp. 1-30). Boulder: Association for Experiential Education.
Berger, Ronen; Mcleod, John. 2006. Incorporating Nature into Therapy: A Framework for practice. Journal of Systematic Therapies, 25(2), 80-94.
Beringer, Almut. (2004). Toward an Ecological Paradigm in Adventure Programming. Journal of Experiential Education. 27(1), 51-66.
Buzzell, L. & Chalquist, C. (2009). Ecotherapy: Healing With Nature In Mind. San 27
Clinebell, Howard. (1996). Ecotherapy: healing ourselves, healing the earth. Minneapolis: Fortress Press
Cohen, Michael. (2009, October 16). Telephone interview.
Cohen, Michael. 2005. Cutting Edge Nature Research. Author’s personal page, Project” NatureConnect site, 1.
Davis, John. (2009, October 16). Ecopsychology Interview [personal email]. (2009, October 19).
Doherty, Thomas J. 2009. A Peer Reviewed Journal for Ecopsychology. Ecopsychology, 1(2): 53-5 Jordan, Martin. 2009. Nature and Self – An Ambivalent Attachment? Ecopsychology, 1(1). 26-31.
Kweon, Byoung-Suk, Roger S. Ulrich, Verrick D. Walker, and Louis G. Tassinary. 2008. Anger and Stress: The Role of Landscape Posters in an Office. Environment and Behavior 40(3), 355-381.
School of Lost Borders (2000-2009, n.d.). Vision Fast. Vision Fasts Training Page. Retrieved November 18, 2009 from http://www.schooloflostborders.org/Vision-Fast-Trainings/Vision-Fasts.html
Walsh, Bryan. (2009, July 28). ‘Eco-therapy’ for Environmental Depression. Time Health Article Page. Retrieved November 11, 2009 from http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1912687,00.html

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Writing on topics




Heading: Body Part


A friend once told me that the feet were a dancer’s prize possession. The toes, a close second. It was about thirteen years ago I realized the size of my pinky toes held meaning. Shorter, by at least half the size of the others, they were blessed by a soft crevice that held a sacred space for the toes to align against. Now, for a dancer, it created a beautiful masterpiece that would fit into a glass slipper with perfection and ease. And it was the glass slipper that gave meaning to the dance.



Heading: Brain.
My brain. I would give her a name but she won’t let me. She is so much her own identity that forces her opinions and views into my life without regard for my emotions. My brain rules me. She is the Queen of the Throne that sits with honor upon the rivets and passageways below. She is a dominant presence that has overthrown all feeling in the river of memory. She has forced me to sit for hours thinking and contemplating about the meaning of life. Because of this, I know she wants me dead. The torture I feel from the reign of her turbulent thought patterns has me downloading massive amounts of information, memories, and streams from the consciousness of her power. Result: Thirty five handwritten journals, countless computer ramblings and now a blog to satiate my need to process what she continues to perplex my very existence with. She has a heavy hand but will not give me the clear direction of how to execute the vast information she reveals. She says I am a warrior and warriors find their way when they have trained well enough to do so. So a warrior I am but it’s not necessarily how to use the tools that she gives me, it’s where I put them. If I could find that sword, put down the shield and build a bridge to my heart, then the Truth would unveil the mask of the warrior I hide behind. I know it is here I will be able to tell that Queen to go to Hell and find peace in the manifestations I dream.




Heading: Home


Dear world, you gave birth to my existence…brought me into this life as if there was a plan for me to be here. You left no rules, no cheat sheet to reference when the tests of time challenged my every desire. You sent me to a place where pain was prevalent…where people kill, where money replaces the joys that nature once provided. You didn’t tell me that your beauty was a gift that people would fight for – to destroy and build their homes, accumulate their possessions over. You didn’t tell me that I would struggle to fit in and be pulled in two directions. You opened my heart when I felt like I was losing it completely then you allowed me to tune your love, your voice out when I felt like joining in the madness again. But…you never let me forget. You never stopped loving me despite the times I didn’t love you back. You never forgot who I was when I didn’t believe I could be anything or anyone important. You kept my dreams alive when my mind tried everything to let them go. You broke me down so you could lift me up again and love me with a love so unconditional I would have no choice but to share that love with others. You are my home, my heart, my reflection every day. Thank you for holding space for me – so that I can share this space with others and spread the love you filled my heart and soul with since the day I was born.



Heading: Work.
My work is what I do. It has no name, no time-frame, no punch-clock, no boss. My work is personal, deep, and requires reflection. It challenges me to go deeper when I feel safe only on the surface levels of existence. My work involves people, nature, all creatures great and small. My work is the hardest job I have ever chosen to pursue in my life. It challenges me to grow. It has no mercy. But it always offers support and reward when I allow the walls to fall. My work requires one thing: Unconditional Love. I am still working hard to put the pieces of my work together. I don’t know how to be self-less, fearless, non-judgmental, self-loving or heart-full all the time. My job is to incorporate all these things into my life and share them with others. I am not self-employed although I work on myself sometimes. I am an employee of humanity working to spread love. I am only one of billions of other people who have been recruited to do the same. Some people work harder than others. Some are unaware that they are even employed. Some employees are employed to train others to learn to do the work. It is a beautiful job and the only one in which I believe is worth keeping forever. I pray everyone will join the cause. The pay does not always come in green bills, but it keeps the heart strong and the joy abundant.



Heading: Survival.
Survival is daily. It is walking through each day and attempting to not take things personal, trying to be non-judgmental and overcome fear. Survival is getting through a world if illusion and sifting through Truth from lies. It is learning how to shut off the brain and rely more on the heart. If I told you about a trip I took and something “amazing” that happened, I would be telling you about breaking down my ego until there was nothing left but love. I would tell you that I am too hard on myself and take things way too serious. I would tell you that I am trying to survive my own feelings of delusions in what I think is right or wrong, where I am going, what I should be doing, and how I need to make it all happen. I would tell you that surviving my own critical self is a feat in itself. It is amazing how “control” is a demon within myself and attempts to kill the spontaneity and beauty of each moment. Survival isn’t just one incident for me. It is in every moment trying to do the right thing when I can always say that it wasn’t. It is wondering why I am 33 and still wondering what I will “be” when I grow up. It is trying to survive through the different personalities that I am presented with in life and how to survive in a world that is diminishing in the face of our children. Survival, sometimes, is letting go completely rather than hanging on to stay alive.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Where have I been?




Where have I been? Where, in this world, has my Spirit gone to survive in such a cold, dark place of existence? A cloak, I have worn, around my head and neck – shrouding my face from the world within. I have looked toward the freezing rains, eyes half closed, wandering in search of a path misplaced of memory. There is a place within this madness that reminds me of who I am. It is not what you see or read. It is not what I write or think.
Somewhere my power had been shielded from sight. I took a vow to remember, then to forget so that my remembering would be stronger than it was before.
A man once came to me. No one would know who he was. There would be no pictures or verses or stories to pull the pieces together for show. He was just a memory and yet profoundly more. Some would call him a dream. Possibly a lover activating shields of birth in my consciousness. I can remember only that he came and drew power from the cosmic grids that surrounded our unity. A lover, perhaps, of another existence. Another part of my Self that could be explained no less than a mirror so drawn to its own reflection of desire.
We met beneath the veil of time; beyond the illusion of separation where our lives had been torn from the luminous fibers of which we were connected.
“In the stars,” he breathed, “we will meet again where physical form is void of the threads that create our bond.”
It was only a moment. But in this moment the walls would bend with love and what was once four corners was now an intricate pattern of our arrival as one.
9/16/09 Tatiana

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Come So Far


Come So Far

I’ve come so far…
So far from myself,
from definition.
In this face of sorrow
is a weary soul
harvesting strength
from experience.
A warrior, I was,
in past lives
fighting and dying
for Love.
Carrying sword and shield.
fighting my way
through childhood.
Standing up for myself, for others,
yet shielding my heart
from the Truth that I was
fighting for.
I’ve come so far…
So far from myself,
from definition.
And although this sword and shield, I wore
with honor,
I understood that the strength
I truly desired came from a vulnerability,
an acceptance,
a love I carried
within my own heart, my own core
that longed to merge with the other side
glistening in the edge of darkness.
This time,
I was at war with my Self.
My own sword --wounding me.
My own shield --denying Love
to enter.
A moment of solitude
cast a beautiful light,
reflecting through
the darkness of pain,
from the depths of my soul
crying out to the Universe
to heal.
So once again, I fought
blindly, through the shadow
--without sword
--without shield
Witnessing my heart
dissolve
in the Light of Love;
Breaking me
down
and down again
until nothing remained.
Until I was empty, open
crying,
praying that I was free…
That this painful beauty would stay
with me always
--fill my heart
with purity
that no sword could penetrate,
no shield would deny.
And so I’ve come so far…
So far from myself,
from definition.
Yet it is in this “undefined”
that I am most free
and it is through losing “myself”
that I am closer to Love
than ever before.

(written about 2 years ago).
 

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Nurturer

THE NURTURER

The sea splits with options.
The mountains rise with praise.
The gospel is the wind with fire ahead,
He has no burdens upon which he carries.
He nurtures the earth with his tender strength…
The Mothers know this blessing-
They felt him in their womb lifetimes before.
He plays his cards of memory
In which the Queen of Hearts always rules.
Beauty is the attraction he desires and shares of Love.
He is youth in eyes that dwell inward.
He is old soul in eternity’s words
That speak with melodic tunes of endearment.
The Goddess is his art in which he worships with faith.
He knows his gifts yet boundaries are uncertain…
And with this uncertainty comes Love.
Who could tame a wild heart that follows
The hooves of emotion yet dances
In the skin of spirit’s song?
Why tame that which is almost free?
He craves his reflection so much
That his “intimate self” is evolving outside of him.
They, too, want to share in this dance
Of eternity with him.
It’s as if they “see” with the same
Inward eyes or dance in the same skin
Through life.
The mirror fades at day’s end
And the reflection remains the same.
“Love me in your nurturing arms! “he screams
From his heart to the Goddess of Love.
“Heal me with the embrace of innocence I attract of Love daily.”
His confusion settles into the still pond.
She drops a pebble to create expression.
There is sanctuary in this ripple
Lapping like tears under his eyes.
This beauty is his own exposed
In the trust of an innocent child
And feminine devotion of faith.
He is attracted to his heart that, in turn,
Attracts who he is:
The nurturer, the Lover, the Mother seeded
By Father at birth.
He is all that he wants and waits for
By the still pond
Left silent
In the whispers of the
Mother’s Arms

2-1-04 Tatiana